Shadows

[Robbie C.]

The main cabin of Tranquility looked like Christmas. Colored lights blinked and played across the wood paneled walls, reflecting back in from the ports along the sides. Only the steady beeping broke the mood, reminding Sonny Crockett it was March and the lights were from an array of medical equipment.

The colored lights played over his face, changing as the beeping shifted. He looked up, then the beeping stopped. One by one the lights turned to solid lines before finally going out. Something broke inside him, and he let out a long sob before burying his face in his hands.

 

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

 

“Damned headache.” Jenny Walker pressed her fingers to her temple and closed her eyes.

“You need to take a break, darlin’. Staring at those spreadsheets as much as you have been is gonna give anyone a headache.” Sonny Crockett reached out and squeezed her hand.

“I know. But we need to have the numbers done before construction can start on the new wing. It’s important.”

“Yeah, but so are you.” He squeezed her hand again. “Come on. Let’s get some air. I’ll get Raphael to look those over. The kid’s good with numbers.”

“I know.” She winced and rubbed her forehead again. “And I know we need to get him used to all this. Him and Ginny both.” She smiled. “It’s funny seeing them here instead of Rico and Gina. All the changes….”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Do you think Larry will ever…”

“Oh, I think so. Stan wants him to be the next computer genius before he starts running that side of the House’s security, but I talked to the kid the other day and he wants to come on.” Sonny paused, thinking back to the earnest eyes of Larry Switek as they’d talked over coffee in the rehab center’s cafeteria. A spitting image of his father, but with Gina’s thick, dark Italian hair, he’d been around the place since he could walk. “I think he’ll be a natural, and he works well with Raphael.”

She smiled, but he could see the pain deep in her eyes. Something’s not right. “I know. I really like seeing them talk.”

“Hey, why don’t we call up Marty and Trudy and go get some lunch? We haven’t seen them for a couple of weeks, and I need some fresh air.” Touching her shoulder, he led her out onto the balcony.

The grounds were unchanged from when he’d lived in the house with Caitlin Davies. It was one of the things they’d insisted on during the conversion. Cait loved that yard. The green and the flowers. No way I could change any of that. He stood just back from the rail, his arm around Jenny’s shoulders. Reaching into his blazer pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and hit numbers.

“Sonny.” Martin Castillo’s voice hadn’t changed a bit in the many years Sonny had known him. The man had, maybe more than even he knew, but the voice was always the same.

“Marty, Jenny and I were wondering if you and Trudy were free for lunch. Be nice to get away from these numbers for a bit, and it’s been too long.”

There was a pause. “We’d like that. Trudy is saying we should meet at Downbeat.”

Sonny covered the phone. “How does Downbeat sound?”

Jenny nodded. “It’s always nice there, and I know it makes Trudy happy. It’s nice to see her happy.”

He uncovered the phone. “Sounds good. We’ll meet you there in say an hour?”

“Sounds good.”

Ending the call, Sonny turned back to Jenny. “We’ll need to leave soon if we want to make it on time, but I’d kinda like to stay out here for a bit. You know?”

“I do. And you were right about fresh air.” She smiled, but he didn’t see it reflected deep in her eyes. “I feel better already.”

“Good.” He tried to keep the doubt out of his voice as he squeezed her shoulder and pulled her in close. “I’ll let Angie know we’re heading out. I don’t want her fussing all over the damned place, and she will if we don’t check in.”

Even without her four inch heels, Angie was a formidable presence behind her desk in the main office of Caitlin’s House. Her hair was still dyed, an odd shade of pink this month, and her mouth still pursed in a grimace anytime someone came through the door. But Sonny knew she’d mellowed over the years…in no small part by what the House had accomplished. “Blondie! Little Blondie! Callin’ it a day?”

Sonny shook his head. “Naw. Not yet, anyhow. Just gonna go have lunch with Marty and Trudy.”

“Tell them Angie says hi. An’ if you don’t come back, you can bet Angie will keep them young fools busy. That little Tubbs ain’t got a lick of sense about him.”

Jenny giggled. “Now you go easy on Raphael, Angie. He’s a good kid.”

“Angie’s just teasing.” Then something in her eyes changed. “You best take care, girl.”

They were out in the noon sun before Sonny turned back to Jenny. “What did Angie mean about you taking care? I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say that before.”

Jenny shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe she could tell I have a headache.” She smiled and took his arm. “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”

He left the top up on the Daytona so they could run the air conditioning. It was a typical Miami July, and he could tell the heat was bothering Jenny. She reclined back against the leather upholstery and didn’t say much during the drive. They were almost to Downbeat when she smiled. “No, I didn’t take any aspirin. And yes, you’re right to think I should have.”

“It’s ok. I have some in the glove compartment.” Signaling, Sonny turned into the jazz club’s parking lot and found a space in some shade thrown by the building. He grinned when he saw Trudy’s red ’71 Dodge Challenger R/T. “Looks like they beat us here.”

“The way Trudy drives I’m not surprised.” Pills rattled as Jenny fished some out of the white plastic bottle. “There. I’ve got two. I’ll take them as soon as we’re inside.”

Sonny nodded, watching as she got out of the low-slung black sports car and headed for the door. She looks tired. I hadn’t noticed it before. Or maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks. We did go sailing last week and she was fine. He smiled at the memories. More than fine, really. But then the smile faded. She hadn’t been as quick with the sails, and even let him do most of the work on the way back to the marina. She’d seemed tired then, too. I thought it was the new project, but that’s not enough to wear her down like that.

Downbeat was a throwback to another era, or at least the decorators had spent a great deal of money to make it feel that way. The vibe was strictly 1940s jazz, from the subdued wallpaper to the brass rails on the bar and trim around the coat check booth. It was Rico and Mindy’s favorite spot in Miami, and Trudy played piano as part of a three-piece combo at least a couple of times a month. Sonny wasn’t much into jazz, but he appreciated the calm and mellow feel of the club.

They found Castillo and Trudy in a small booth toward the back of the place. Trudy cut her hair shorter now to minimize some of the gray, but Castillo still looked the same as ever. Some silver in his hair was the only real difference. Trudy saw them first and waved. “Sonny! Jenny! How are you?”

“Doin’ good, Trudy.” Sonny grinned and held Jenny’s chair out as she sat down. “Looks like you two are still up to no good.”

Castillo smiled. “Someone has to be. And since I read the papers, I see there’s another expansion happening at Caitlin’s House.”

“Yeah. It’s mostly Raphael’s, though. Him and Ginny. We figured it was time they get their hands dirty on the operations side of things.” Sonny touched Jenny’s hand. She’s cold. That never happens.

“It’s so much fun to watch them. Raphael is so much like his father it’s like Rico is still there.”

Trudy cocked her head. “I thought he was…”

“He is. Just cutting back a bit now. Now that Raphael’s out of the house he and Mindy are just taking some time. I’ve been trying to convince Stan to do that, but he doesn’t listen. Maybe if he brings Larry on board he’ll feel better about it.”

Castillo nodded. “Switek always wants to be sure of things.”

Sonny was about to reply when he felt Jenny start to get up. “I’ll be right back. Sonny, could you order the salad for me if the waiter gets here?”

Trudy was on her feet in an instant. “I’ll go with you. I need to fix my hair after the drive in.”

Once the two women left, Sonny felt Castillo’s eyes on him. “Is she ok?”

He started to reply, then paused. “You know, Marty, I don’t know. She said she had a headache this morning, and she’s seemed tired the past couple of days. Of course with another addition in the works she’s been busy. Maybe too busy.”

He shook his head. “No. There’s something else. You should convince her to go to the doctor. Don’t ask me how I know, but…”

“Yeah, I get it. Jungle drums or whatever.” He grinned, then sighed. “I know you’re right, Marty. Just don’t say anything when they get back. I’ll work on her after lunch.”

They talked about mostly nothing during lunch…the thing friends did when they were seeing each other again after a brief time apart. Jenny and Trudy talked mostly about art and jazz, and Sonny and Castillo just sat and watched them being happy. It was enough for both men.

“Let me know if you need an original or two for the next benefit.” Trudy finished a forkful of salad and smiled. “I’ve got a couple that might raise a few bucks.”

“You know your paintings always bring top dollar. And we could use a couple. This new addition is going to be a bit more expensive than we’d thought, but it’s worth it.”

Castillo looked over at Sonny. “What is it for again?”

“It’s a work transition unit. Stan thought of it, actually.” Sonny grinned. “We help these kids get clean and overcome some of their trauma, and then we just toss them back on the street. Sure they get follow-up and all that, but we don’t do enough to help them get jobs and know how all that works. Stan came up with the idea of having a kind of halfway house on the grounds. We’d do some basic job placement, give them a place to live and get them used to paying rent and all that.”

“Rent?”

“No, Trudy. Not really. What we’re gonna do is bank that money and give it to them when they complete the program. Start them off with something they can use. But most of them have never had to do any of that before, and this way we can…what did Stan say…give them training wheels first.”

“That’s ambitious.”

“Yeah. And not everyone will qualify. Or even need it. But it’s something we can try, and shut down if it doesn’t work. We always need more housing. Of course we have to bring on staff to run it, and that’s an expense.”

Trudy nodded. “But Stan had a good idea. I can’t remember how many girls we pulled in back in Vice who’d never had a place of their own or held down a real job.” She shook her head. “Speaking of real jobs, have you heard from Dave lately?”

“I called him last week.” Sonny paused. “He’s still not over Randy getting killed, I don’t think. You know him, though. You gotta read through the three words he uses to see what’s really going on. I talked to Debbie for a couple of minutes and told her to reach out if she needs anything. I thought about going out there just to see what all the fuss is about mountains, but with the new addition…”

“Maybe mention it to Switek.”

Sonny shook his head. “That’s why you’re the captain. I should have thought of that. I know he and Gina are taking some time now that the kids are out of the house, and I know Stan would be off like a shot if he thought Dave needed anything.”

“He looks after his people.”

“I’ll call him as soon as we’re done with lunch. That way he can start working on Gina.”

They talked a bit more once the food arrived, but Sonny found himself watching Jenny. He could see more of it now…she wasn’t smiling as much, eating slower, and sometimes lost her way in conversations. The more he saw, the more he felt something turning in his gut.

They said their goodbyes outside in the afternoon sun, and Sonny watched as Trudy and Marty drove away in the Challenger. He felt Jenny next to him, leaning on him more than normal, and he slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Did the food help the headache?”

“I…I don’t know, Sonny. One minute it’s gone, and the next it’s back.” She sighed. “Maybe a nap will help.”

“Let me get you back to Tranquility. You can take a nap while I call Stan. I really want to get him out to see Dave.”

They drove the rest of the way in silence, and when he snuck a look over he saw her eyes were closed. Something’s wrong. No question. I gotta get her to the doctor after I talk to Stan.

Switek picked up on the second ring, and he took to Sonny’s idea in a heartbeat. “I’ve been wondering how the big lug was doing, and then I realized he’s not the kind to call. I’ll talk to Gina, but I’m sure she’ll be on board. The kids will be fine, and she gets on like gangbusters with Debbie.” There was a pause, and when he spoke again Sonny could hear the old hurt in Stan’s voice. “He’s gonna need someone. Someone who knows what it’s like to lose a friend.”

“That’s why I thought of you, Stan.” Larry Zito. Old ghosts never go away. “Let me know if you need anything, and charge the ticket to the House. Dave’s one of us.”

“It was good you did that.” Jenny’s voice was low and soft, even though she was only a few feet away. “Dave needs someone, and Stanley is perfect. They’ve both lost brothers.”

He started to correct her, then stopped. Larry was in many, many ways the brother Stan never had, and he knew Dave and Randy were close in the way only combat veterans could be. Closer than brothers. “Yeah. You’re right.” He smiled, then charged ahead. “Look, I think you should see a doctor. Those headaches…”

“Are getting worse. I know. She thinks I should, too.”

Cait. It’s never good when they start talking. Sonny didn’t know how to explain it, even to himself, but Jenny seemed to have some kind of connection with his dead wife. Something beyond his understanding, but he’d seen enough proof of it to accept it. “You want me to call?”

“Yes. I…I think I need a nap.”

 

One week after the first appointment, Sonny was in his office working on part of the workforce project when the call came. He recognized the doctor’s dry, patronizing tones. “Ah, Mr. Crockett. Is Miss Walker there? We got her test results back.”

“Yeah. I’ll get her.” Sonny put the call on hold and got to his feet. Let the smug bastard listen to that canned music for a bit. Might do him some good. Walking into the outer office, he nodded to the receptionist. “Is Jenny around?”

“I think she’s out on the balcony.” The girl nodded toward the double glass doors.

“Thanks. I should have known that.” He grinned.

Jenny was leaning against the balcony rail, her forearms resting on the wrought iron. “It’s so nice out here today,” she said as he approached. “I just wanted some air.”

“That vulture’s on the phone,” he said, putting his arm around her waist. “It’s the test results.”

“It is. And I already know.”

“Did he call…”

“No. I just know.” She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. “But we’re paying him enough we should make him earn it.”

Back in his office, Sonny hit the button. “We’re here. Go ahead.”

The man’s voice sounded even more hollow than normal through the phone’s speaker. “Miss Walker, I’m sorry to say the tests came back positive. It is cancer. Cancer of the brain. And it’s advanced.”

“I know.”

“But how…”

“What are the treatment options?” Sonny felt his chest go cold. They’re going to take her away.

“We can try chemotherapy and radiation, but I don’t know how effective those will be in this case. There are also some experimental, trial medications we can use as well. I…”

“How long do I have?”

The matter of fact tone in her voice left Sonny stunned, and it seemed to carry over to the doctor. There was a long pause. “Six months to a year. Maybe more if the treatments are effective. But I don’t think we can hope for full remission. It’s just too aggressive. Too advanced.”

Jenny seemed to be looking at something only she could see. It was a look Sonny knew but didn’t understand. “You’ll do treatment so I can be comfortable and active as long as possible. We have things to finish that aren’t done yet.”

“But I…”

“This isn’t a discussion, doctor. It’s what I want. If you can’t do it, we’ll find someone who can. Am I clear?”

She sounds like Burnett. Sonny could only stare as she glared at the phone.

“I…I suppose so.”

Now it was his turn. “Don’t suppose. Just fucking do it. Like the lady said, if you can’t do it we’ll find someone who can.” Reaching out, he stabbed a button and ended the call. “Asshole.”

“He is. But he doesn’t know any better.” She sighed. “He’s too used to no one questioning him.”

As the anger faded from his veins, Sonny felt himself going cold. Six months. Maybe a year. I… “I think he’s wrong about treatment.”

“He’s not. I just know he’s not.” She let out a long sigh and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. Time’s a funny thing. I…”

“I’m here, darlin’. And I’ll be here all the way through. No matter how it ends.” He walked over, letting his hand fall on her shoulder. It felt thinner now, even though he knew it was in his head.

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For having to leave you…”

“Don’t be sorry for a damned thing.” He waved his free hand. “All of this is because of you, Jenny. I would have been happy for ten minutes with you, and I got thirty years instead. Every minute I’ve had with you is a gift. And one I sure as hell didn’t deserve. So you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, darlin’.”

“You know, I still see it like it’s yesterday. You sitting on the Dance with a shocked look on your face when I showed up with a six-pack.”

“Yeah. Hell of an introduction.” He smiled, running his fingers along her shoulder and back. “I still see you that day, too. Thought you had the wrong boat at first. I mean a hot lady with a six pack had to be lookin’ for the frat guys down the way, right? And ol’ Elvis usually scared off any visitors. But he took to you right away.”

“I hope his last years were happy.”

“I’m sure they were. Crawling around in the swamps. I should have turned him loose years before I did, but…”

“You were looking after him. With that silly clock.” She smiled and reached up to touch his hand. “You were always looking after something, Sonny. Or someone.”

“Trying to, anyhow.” He thought back over the years. Caroline. Billy. Larry Zito. Caitlin. “I didn’t always do a very damned good job of it, though.”

“You did the best you could. Most of the time.” She smiled. “Stanley told me all about Larry. And how he saw later you learned from that. Most people never learn from their mistakes.”

“It means admitting they were wrong. Was a time when that was damned hard for me. Too Southern. Too Marine. Too…” He shrugged. “Too damned dumb, I guess. But once I did, things got better.” He smiled. “But it’s you we should be talking about. And how we’re gonna finish this new program.”

“I am worried about that program.” She turned to look out the window. “We need to do it. Stanley is right about that. And money…that’s easy. But how do we…”

“I was thinking about some of this…” He almost said during your chemo but bit back the words. “You know, we could have them work in the kitchens. Custodial. Do things around Caitlin’s House in some of the low-risk zones. Maybe start them there, see how they do, and use that to help get them outside jobs.”

She nodded. “I like that. Gina might know of some local stores and places who need part-time help. And we can help make sure they show up for work.”

“I’ll have her start on it. Or maybe some of her people. I know she wants Holly to get more experience. And Ginny…she’s really growing into the job.”

“You’re right. We need others to step in. For me…” She paused and then gave a soft laugh. “For me when I’m not here and for you, too. Things will change no matter what we want.”

 

Once the diagnosis was confirmed, they waited until Jenny was halfway through the first course of chemo before releasing the news to the press. It barely made a ripple in the local coverage, which suited Sonny just fine. The last thing he wanted was those jackals poking around in their lives. The memory of what they’d done to Caitlin and later what they’d tried to do to the House still rankled.

Jenny just shrugged. “I just wanted people to know why I wasn’t around as much as I had been,” she said with a soft smile. “But at least Stanley’s project is coming along. He told me they should be able to start placing four people in it soon.”

Sonny was in the galley working on dinner when Jenny called to him from the saloon. “You have to see this.”

She was sitting on the sideboard couch, pillows under her head to make it more comfortable. The small TV was on, and she was watching one of the local news programs. The camera zoomed in on a kid working behind the grill in a fast food joint downtown. His head was shaved, and the look of defiance on his face jumped through the screen. Sonny was about to speak when Jenny raised a finger.

The reporter’s voice came in from off camera. “Could you tell us why you shaved your head?”

The kid nodded. “Sure. But you gotta understand something. This might not look like much to you, but it’s my job. I used to be on the streets. That ain’t no life. Then I went to Caitlin’s House. They helped me…got me clean.”

The reporter’s voice came in again. “And you have a group, right?”

“Yeah. Cait’s Kids. It’s people who graduated from the House. When we found out Miss Jenny had the cancer, we decided to shave our heads. All of us.” The fierce pride was back. “And just us, see? Her, Mr. Sonny, and all of ‘em there gave us hope. This job? My place? My life? I owe it to them. We ain’t rich people, but we can show her we care by shaving our heads. And you fools can see how many they’ve helped.”

The camera cut over to a shot of one of the office buildings in Brickell. The reporter’s voice came through again. “And it’s not just fast food cooks. This is Elisa. She’s been working as a broker for three years now.” The camera faded to a pretty young Latina woman in a business suit. She smiled, and then pointed to her shaved head. “And she’s another of what they call Cait’s Kids.”

Jenny’s shoulders were shaking, and she sobbed before she spoke. “I think I…”

Sonny was at her side in a heartbeat, his arm slipping around her shoulders. “She was one of the early ones, darlin’. The one with the friend we got into the House, too.”

“We’re doing this both so Miss Jenny can see we care, and so others can see how many of us there really are. And where we are.” Elisa still had the same bright eyes, and the fire in her voice hadn’t faded a bit. “They took a chance on me, and got my friend into the House, too. We both came through. Essi’s married and is going to be a nurse, and you can see what I’m doing. The House taught us to be proud of who we are, and where we came from.” She paused. “Maybe we forgot some of that. But hearing about Miss Jenny…well…that did it. And Mr. Sonny? We got your back, too. Always.”

Jenny had stopped looking at the screen and was crying into his shoulder, but Sonny couldn’t look away. The two talking heads in the studio looked at each other. “We asked Ramon if the House had organized this, and he…well…he said no, but quite colorfully. Elisa said it was the group’s idea and that Caitlin’s House didn’t know. When we reached out for comment, a spokesperson confirmed they had no idea, but they support all members of Caitlin’s House, present and past.”

The other talking head started to snicker. “But you have to admit it is good publicity.”

What happened next took Sonny’s breath away. The woman who did the weather came on camera and pulled off a thick blonde wig. “It’s no stunt, Phil. And don’t you dare cut away. I’m one of the ones who came through Caitlin’s House. I also got a scholarship to Florida State through the House. We owe our lives to that place, and I’m proud to be one of Cait’s Kids.”

Jenny stopped shuddering for a moment. “You need to call the House. We need to get something out supporting these people.”

“On it, darlin’.” Sonny felt his brain kicking into work mode, pushing back the anger he’d felt balling up at the second talking head. “Publicity my ass.” He reached for the phone and hit a speed dial key. “It’s Sonny. Look, did you see the Channel 4 news? We need to get something out like yesterday supporting Cait’s Kids…Yeah, I hadn’t heard of it, either. But they’re on the news now and those bastards are trying to make it look like a publicity stunt. The ones we saw they were talking to…” He looked over at Jenny, and read her lips. “Ramon from the last group of boys to go through, Elisa from the third group I think, and Rhonda from the tenth group. She got a scholarship to Florida State so we can track her down that way.”

“Who did you talk to?” Her voice sounded firm again. Focused. And angry.

“Holly. The one Gina’s been grooming to take over PR. She’s good.”

“The one who laughed…”

“Oh, I think Rhonda’s taking care of him. But I want to make sure the station doesn’t do anything to her.” He picked up the phone again. “Sorry to bother you again, Holly, but could you have Legal take a look at this, too? If there’s any retaliatory action against Rhonda I want to be able to support her. She works for that station.” Something turned in his chest, and his voice went Burnett flat. “And if they have to drag some media people through the mud, tell them to do it. I’ll call them out personally if that’s what it takes.”

When he hung up the phone, he turned back to look at Jenny on the saloon couch. The glow she’d had from the story was gone, and she slumped back against the cushions. She looks…hollow. Goddamned chemo and everything else. I don’t care what those white coat assholes say…it’s not working. He forced a smile on his face. “That should take care of some things. They might want you to say something. If you’re up to it.”

“I have to be. You saw them.” She smiled, but the light didn’t touch her eyes like it used to. “I have to be there for them.”

“And they’re tryin’ to be there for you. I still can’t get over the pride in Ramon’s voice. He still carries all that with him.”

They went in the next day, Jenny weak from chemo but as fired up as he’d seen her in weeks. Holly met them just inside the entryway doors. “We got that statement out late yesterday, Sonny. And Legal reached out to Rhonda as well.” She shook her head. “You were right. The station’s thinking about giving her trouble.”

Jenny shook her head. “That’s not right.”

Sonny felt his chest go cold, and a familiar switch clicked in his head. “Don’t include Channel 4 in any releases going forward. None. And see if Rhonda will come in and talk to Legal. If she wants or needs a lawyer, see that she has one. Or a job. I read your last memo about beefing up public relations. She’s got a solid media background and she went through the House.” He paused, took a deep breath, and felt the coldness fade. “Now what do we have?”

Before Holly could say anything, Jenny spoke up. “I know what I want to say. It’ll sound better if it comes right from me and not a sheet of paper. And they’ll know if I’m reading something someone else wrote.” She smiled. “I know you wrote something nice. But anyone who came through the program knows me. They’ll want to hear from me.”

“I thought that was what you’d say, but I wanted to have something ready just in case.” Holly smiled and tucked the pages back into a folder. “And you’re right…they want to hear from you.”

Sonny nodded, but waited until Jenny went into the small sound stage before speaking. “Keep an eye on the press reaction. If anyone takes a shot at her, I want to know.”

“You think they will?”

“There’s always one or two of those damned parasites who will. And I will bury them if they do.” His voice was flat, matching his eyes. Then he blinked, pushing Burnett back into his box for the time being. “Now let’s go listen to her. If I know Jenny she’s only going to do this once and we can’t afford to miss it.”

She looked so small behind the microphone, wilted by the lights. The guy behind the camera nodded and the red light came on. Then she seemed to gather herself. “Let me start by saying thank you to every one of Cait’s Kids. You’re all very special to me, and you should be very special to each other. I wish I would have known about your group sooner, but I know what’s it’s like to build something on your own. How proud you feel when it works out.

“You all know I’m sick. There’s treatment, but sometimes I don’t know which is worse…the cancer or what they claim can cure it.” She paused for a moment, then smiled. “But you don’t want to hear me whine. That’s not important. What’s important is Caitlin’s House and the work we do. That you do. Just by being out there, by surviving and staying clean, you prove every day the House works. That we all work. And no one can take that away from you.

“I remember all of you…even if it’s not a name but a face and a smile. Even if you didn’t make it through the program. You all are important to me. And I…I wanted you to hear that from me. Not from some paper. You’re always in my heart. Each of you.”

She paused, and Sonny could see her gathering herself. “I don’t know how long I have. None of us do, really. But the House…all of you…you’re my legacy. Stay as strong as I know you all are, and don’t listen to the assholes out there who don’t know. Who can’t know. And look after each other. You all know what it’s like to have no one there, and if you can’t do anything else be there for each other. Keep Caitlin’s House strong, and be proud of being one of Cait’s Kids. And I love all of you.” She looked down, and Sonny saw the red light go off.

He was through the door a heartbeat later, reaching out to catch her as she fell off the stool.

 

FOUR MONTHS AFTER THE COLLAPSE

 

She looked like a ghost in the bed, her skin pale and almost waxy. Sonny stood just inside the room doorway, watching the sheet move as she breathed. The attorney in charge of Caitlin’s House’s legal affairs was sitting by the bed, tucking a thick ream of documents back into a battered leather brief bag. A former prosecutor, he’d been with the House since the early days.

Looking up, he saw Sonny and nodded. “Sonny’s here, Jenny. I need to talk to him for a minute and then he’s all yours.”

She nodded, the pillow barely shifting with the movement. “I’ll be right here. It’s not like I can run off.”

Gary Towers got to his feet and motioned for Sonny to step out into the hall. “Act surprised if she says anything,” he said once they were out of the room, “but I thought you should know. She just signed her entire trust fund over to Caitlin’s House. It’s intended for upkeep and capital expansion.”

“Yeah. I knew she was planning on doing that.” He paused. “So what’s the catch?”

“Do you have any idea how much is in that fund?”

“No. Never asked.” He shrugged. “With Cait’s residuals and the settlement from those creeps who represented her before it didn’t matter. There was plenty to run the House and see to what little we needed. Is it less that you thought?”

“No. Way more than I thought. She’s leaving almost seventy million dollars to run the House.”

Sonny blinked. “Did you say…”

“Yep. She wants to make sure things can run no matter what happens.”

“Holy shit.” He blinked again. He had no idea she’d been sitting on that much money. And he really hadn’t cared. They had everything they needed, and between Gina and Mindy doing fundraisers there’d always been enough to keep the House moving. And he’d never planned on touching any of her money in any case. It didn’t seem right. Then he set his jaw. “We’re gonna name the new expansion the Jenny Walker Wing. Don’t tell her, though. She’d just make a fuss.”

Towers nodded. “I agree. On both counts.” He reached out and squeezed Sonny’s upper arm. “I’ll make sure it happens, Sonny. You go see to her.”

She opened her eyes when he came in and sighed. “He told you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. He did. He wanted me to act like he hadn’t, but there’s no getting that stuff by you.” He smiled and sat down next to the bed, taking her hand in his. She’s cold again. “I…”

“I know you didn’t know. But this way the House can keep going no matter what happens. To any of us. It’s a guaranteed funding source. Fundraising comes and goes, and Caitlin’s royalties go up and down. But this will be there as long as the House is.”

“Does your family know?”

“They will, but I don’t care. The House is something. Something real. Not their fake numbers and balance sheets. We’re giving people a chance…people assholes like my parents don’t think are worth the time of day.” She smiled, and he could see the old light in her eyes. “I just wish I could see how mad they get. Especially my older brother. All he ever thinks about is money.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything from them.” He squeezed her hand, willing some of his warmth into her body.

“Sonny…I want one more thing. But I don’t know…”

“You can ask me anything, darlin’. And if it’s even remotely possible I’ll make it happen.”

“But it’s not fair to you.”

He kissed her fingers. “Fair doesn’t enter into any of this. I just want you to be as comfortable as you can be.”

“I…I want to go home. To Tranquility. I know it’s close now. No matter what they tell me.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them the old light, the old fire, was back. “I want to be with you for whatever time I have left and I want to die at home. Not here, alone and looking like someone’s science fair project.”

He nodded, biting back his own fear. He’d known this was coming…had expected it since the last round of chemo when the doctors just shook their heads. I don’t know if I’m strong enough, but I can’t say no to her. “I’ll make it happen, baby. Even if I have to turn Burnett and all of Gary’s legal people loose on these chumps. Maybe even Angie if they make too much trouble. You’ll go home like you want.”

 

TWO WEEKS AFTER TRANQUILITY

 

The service was small, more a gathering of friends. Jenny had wanted it that way, and Sonny aimed to see her wishes were respected. The Task Force was there, even Dave who’d made the trip from Montana. “No Goddamn way I’m not coming,” was what he said when Sonny brought it up. Pete Washington came, along with Robbie Cann and his wife and son. Cait’s Kids had sent people, too: Ramon standing tall in a suit he might have borrowed from Izzy, his head still shaved in their show of support; Elisa looking trim and professional, but also with a shaved head; and Rhonda, also with her head shaved. The staff of Caitlin’s House voted to send some of the people who’d been there since the beginning. People who knew Jenny the best.

“Y’all listen now.” Angie cleared her throat from the small podium at the front of the room. “Little Blondie was…” Her voice broke, and she stood there for a moment. “Little Blonde was the best of us. She kept Blondie goin’, and did so much to make this House possible. I…” She stopped again. “Girlfriend started it, an’ Little Blonde finished it. This here world ain’t gonna be the same without her in it.”

Sonny just stared straight ahead, his black Burnett suit matching his sunglasses. He was thankful for them right now…glad they hid his tears from the word. Jenny had planned who was going to speak and when…all the way down to the last detail. She’d wanted Angie to start off, and he understood why. Angie was the link between Caitlin and today.

Martin Castillo offered Angie his arm, walking her to her seat before taking her place behind the podium. “Jenny Walker was a very special person. She heard things most of us never hear, saw things we never see. She could see potential in people others had discarded.” He nodded toward the knot of Cait’s Kids. “And she brought out the best in people who thought they didn’t have a best side.” Sonny looked down, knowing Castillo was fixing him with his trademark stare. “She saved my life at least once, and I’m proud to say she considered me her friend. There is no higher compliment in this world.”

They all spoke in turn, but Sonny stopped listening. He was sitting there, eyes focused on something about five hundred yards past the wall, trying to gather his strength. She’d wanted him to go last. Man, I gotta do it. I gotta do it for her. And I know she’s listening. Her and Cait.

Things came back into a kind of focus when Rico’s voice trailed off. It was time. Gathering himself, he got to his feet and headed for the podium. He’d tried writing something out, but the crumpled paper stayed in his suit coat pocket. Stopping, he turned and took a firm grip on the podium. Watching his knuckles turn white. “First, I’d like to thank everyone for coming. Especially Cait’s Kids. I know Jenny really appreciates that. You all meant more to her than you know. She was so proud, every day, seeing you come out clean. And have lives. That means the world to her. You have to know that. She always tells me how close she came to being where you were. She just wanted to make sure you had a chance.

“Everyone here has a Jenny story. How she helped them. How she made them laugh. I know for me…she brought light back into my life. Light I didn’t even know I needed. Now…I don’t know.”

He didn’t remember going back to his seat, but somehow he made it there. He heard voices, people talking close and farther away, and from time to time someone touched his shoulder or patted him on the back. But none of it registered. All he could think of where those Christmas lights going out one by one and then the high, hollow sound filling his ears.

 

The small pack was crushed almost flat, and the filterless cigarettes brittle with age and stale. It took three tries to get the battered Ronson to come to life, and Sonny Crockett drew deep, feeling the smoke fill his lungs. It had been years since he’d last had one.

In the end they’d all drifted away one by one once the burial was over. He’d nodded, made the right noises, but eventually they seemed to sense his need to be alone. Or maybe Castillo had sensed it for them, herding the rest away so he could process things on his own. A very faint smile touched his lips. Typical Marty. Guy knows more about grief than a hundred preachers.

Robbie was one of the last to leave, giving him a hug and whispering in his ear. “You need anything, brother, you call. And I mean anything. We’re buddies. We’re there for each other.” All Sonny could do was nod, overwhelmed by the depth of his friend’s feelings.

The sun was a halo on the horizon, but there was enough light remaining to turn the tombstones a mellow red gold. They’re together now, he thought, the tip of his Lucky Strike glowing hot as he inhaled again, letting the smoke hiss out through his nostrils. Cait, Will, and Jenny.

He knew it was the right thing to do. Jenny had always felt so close to Caitlin Davies…a connection he didn’t pretend to understand but had to respect. They’d removed most of the flowers, so he could read the engraving in the dying light. Caitlin Davies-Crockett. Will Crockett. Jenny Walker. Her older brother had wanted Jennifer on the headstone, just like he’d wanted to take her back to California. It had felt good to let Burnett out of his box for the few minutes it took to convince the elder Walker to take his own sorry ass back to California. Alone. This is where she belongs.

It all hit him at once, so hard he went down to one knee. More than anything he wanted a full bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Something to dull the pain. They’re both gone. Again. I don’t…I don’t know what the hell I’ll do now. He took a final drag on the cigarette. What the hell will I do now?

“She’s not gone.”

Castillo’s voice carried over the waves, but so low Sonny thought at first it was something else. “That sounds like something she’d say.”

“She’s right, though.” He was still wearing the simple black suit from the funeral, standing sideways so he was almost lost in the darkening sky. “I don’t pretend to understand it. Because it’s beyond understanding. She’s with you, just like Caitlin was with her.”

Sonny started to shake his head, then stopped. He could almost hear her voice now, coming in on the breeze. “How the hell…”

“Maybe it’s the water. I…I still feel people I knew in Laos. Good friends. Sometimes they come in dreams.”

Sonny nodded. “I remember you talking about that. When Celeste’s brother turned up. To be honest…”

“I know.” Castillo slipped off his sunglasses. “I thought I was crazy at first, too. But then I remembered the mountains. And a Meo shaman. We can only pretend to understand some things. Others we have to just accept. They just are, and we cannot change that.”

“Yeah.” Sonny looked at the stone again, his eyes tracing each engraved line. And the blank spot for his name. He drew on the stub of the Lucky Strike out of reflex, feeling the smoke and the heat of the burning tobacco on his fingertips and lips. Martin is right, Sonny. I’m still here. I’ll always be here with you. And through me she’ll be here, too. They were waiting. You’ll like Will. He looks like you and has her fire in his eyes. “Marty? Did you…”

“Something, yes. But it was not for me. It’s for you.” He felt Castillo’s hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go. Trudy’s waiting, and we brought the Mercedes so there’s room for one more. You should be with friends now.”

“Yeah.” He crushed the remains of the cigarette under his slip-on shoe. “She knows I’ll be back. They all know.” There was another long pause as he looked at the dark stone again. “Thanks, Marty.” Without another word he turned and followed his old boss and friend back to the big black car.

[vicegirl85]

This was special, RobbieC.  Thank you.

 

[Robbie C.]

Glad you enjoyed it. I debated posting it (I actually finished it about a week ago), but then decided to go with it. Characters die, and I wanted to open a window to that and how it might have impacted Sonny and those who knew Jenny.