Are your twenties the best years of your life? For me, not looking that way

[BunMVO]

I was looking for some advice from other members of the site. I know that many of us here are older, in the 50s and up, meaning that you lucky ducks got to be in your 20s while MV was in its original run. Me, I'm 21 years old and I'm working full-time and doing online college classes. I've never been to an actual college. I do have a decent office job but I don't make loads of money. But I feel "behind" my colleagues. Since graduating high school in 2016, life has been a living hell, one disaster after another. After I finished my time in the National Guard I've been working lots of crappy jobs until this most recent one that feels kind of like a grown-up job at least. 2017 and 2018 were the worst years of my life, I went through hell with a girlfriend I had at the time who bankrupted and emotionally drained me. Since fall, things have been getting better in some ways, I have lost 30 pounds since then and am now at a healthy weight and exercise and eat cleaner, I've been holding this job steadily and am doing alright financially, and have made more progress with earning credits. However, I am still downright miserable.

For one thing, I still live with my mother. I have a pretty low rent but I still have to cover that every month. Another, I've had numerous failed relationships since last summer, my latest of which just ended today. I didn't have that much of feelings for her, but I guess she was kind of a stand-in. I knew we wouldn't have any future together but wasn't expecting it to end so abruptly. Anyway, I'm not too worried about having a girlfriend, but there is one aspect of that I need to keep myself sane and I already told you my age so I think you can figure that one out for yourself. Another thing is that the weather here in Minnesota is horrible but slowly improving, and I'm on an awful shift at work which is right in the middle of the day, it will take forever to get on first shift I feel. If I'm being honest, I'm super depressed. I guess as pathetic as it sounds, Miami Vice is the one thing that makes me happy enough to keep going. Or maybe it just distracts me from the harsh reality of life.

I'm not trying to give a sob story, I just want to have a heart-to-heart conversation with some like-minded pals because I refuse to give up on life. How did you keep your head up during your darkest and most hopeless days? Also, you don't have to say it - I only drink occasionally and don't do drugs. I do smoke cigarettes (Lucky Strike of course, but not because of the show) but I already know the dangers of that. I'm confused about all of this though, why is it that your 20s are supposed to be some of the best years of your adult life and mine have been trash? How can I make the absolute most of them? It pains me to know that I'll be 22 in June and some of my high-school classmates will already be graduating by the time they're 22. I need to get out of this rut and fast.

[jpaul1]

well if you want my 2c for a 21 years old pal, you've lived a pretty descent life. i mean you made the army, you got a job, you seem to care about your mother. if you want a conversation from heart to heart when i was 21 i was still in teenage crisis, and i was far from being as mature as you seem to be. i won't enter the details because this is not the place, but at 21 i was complete trash lol, and good just to crash cars, and ruin my parents life . i smile, but each time i think to that period i think my parents weren't gold, but platinum made

and you ask how to keep having the morale up when everything seems to have broken loose, personnally one word religion

Edited March 13, 2019 by jpm1

[BunMVO]

1 minute ago, jpm1 said:

well if you want my 2c for a 21 years old pal, you've lived a pretty descent life. i mean you made the army, you got a job, you seem to care about your mother. if you want a conversation from heart to heart when i was 21 i was still in teenage crisis, and i was far from being as mature as you seem to be. i won't enter the details because this is not the place, but at 21 i was complete trash lol, and good just to crash cars, and ruin my parents life . i smile, but each time i think to that period i think my parents weren't gold, but platinum made .

and you ask how to keep having the morale up when everything seems to have broken loose, personnally one word religion

Haha yeah, I guess it's a good thing that I'm decently mature for my age. I always have been on the maturer side, but that's partially because I can't afford not to be. My family has had a ton of upheaval ever since our business tanked in 2007 and my parents split in 2014. I've lived in a lot of different places, even technically been homeless at times. I've had plenty of struggle. Granted, I have a very good life compared to some. I am grateful every day for what I have, but I am striving for more. I guess I could be in prison or have kids at my age like some of my less fortunate colleagues. Without getting into detail, I've narrowly avoided those circumstances by the grace of God himself lol...

I have to agree with the faith thing. Honestly, I haven't even been to church since October 2016, when I was in basic training in Fort Benning, Georgia. I am Christian, but a bad one. Returning to church might not be a bad idea and reconnect with my faith.

[Vincent Hanna]

I don't know what to say man, you sound like you're living the life.  

You're 21 yo, a good looking dude, have a decent family and had plenty of jobs/girlfriends. What more can a guy want? Don't waste your time comparing yourself to others because you'll never win that game, there'll always be someone "ahead" of you. You seem to being doing vastly better than most 21 yo's so why beat yourself up because others are even more successful.

There's a Joe Rogan podcast with this clinical psychologist guy Jordan Petersen, I highly recommend it. He talks about depression and stuff in depth and gave me a new way of looking at things. 

 

[Robbie C.]

I'd say the most important faith to have is faith in yourself. Sounds like you know more or less where you want to go and are on the way there. To be honest, your 20s are usually the toughest years of your life because you're trying to figure things out and discovering that all the crap you saw on TV about people in their 20s is wrong. There's nothing wrong with striving for more, mind, but always keep in mind what you have right now. Find yourself, have faith in yourself, and most other things will follow. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Think of Castillo. He was a rock because he knew himself and what he was doing. But he'd also ask others for help if he needed it. There's no shame in that. The shame comes from knowing you need help and being too proud to ask for it.

[pahonu]

1 hour ago, pmconroy said:

I was looking for some advice from other members of the site. I know that many of us here are older, in the 50s and up, meaning that you lucky ducks got to be in your 20s while MV was in its original run. Me, I'm 21 years old and I'm working full-time and doing online college classes. I've never been to an actual college. I do have a decent office job but I don't make loads of money. But I feel "behind" my colleagues. Since graduating high school in 2016, life has been a living hell, one disaster after another. After I finished my time in the National Guard I've been working lots of crappy jobs until this most recent one that feels kind of like a grown-up job at least. 2017 and 2018 were the worst years of my life, I went through hell with a girlfriend I had at the time who bankrupted and emotionally drained me. Since fall, things have been getting better in some ways, I have lost 30 pounds since then and am now at a healthy weight and exercise and eat cleaner, I've been holding this job steadily and am doing alright financially, and have made more progress with earning credits. However, I am still downright miserable.

For one thing, I still live with my mother. I have a pretty low rent but I still have to cover that every month. Another, I've had numerous failed relationships since last summer, my latest of which just ended today. I didn't have that much of feelings for her, but I guess she was kind of a stand-in. I knew we wouldn't have any future together but wasn't expecting it to end so abruptly. Anyway, I'm not too worried about having a girlfriend, but there is one aspect of that I need to keep myself sane and I already told you my age so I think you can figure that one out for yourself. Another thing is that the weather here in Minnesota is horrible but slowly improving, and I'm on an awful shift at work which is right in the middle of the day, it will take forever to get on first shift I feel. If I'm being honest, I'm super depressed. I guess as pathetic as it sounds, Miami Vice is the one thing that makes me happy enough to keep going. Or maybe it just distracts me from the harsh reality of life.

I'm not trying to give a sob story, I just want to have a heart-to-heart conversation with some like-minded pals because I refuse to give up on life. How did you keep your head up during your darkest and most hopeless days? Also, you don't have to say it - I only drink occasionally and don't do drugs. I do smoke cigarettes (Lucky Strike of course, but not because of the show) but I already know the dangers of that. I'm confused about all of this though, why is it that your 20s are supposed to be some of the best years of your adult life and mine have been trash? How can I make the absolute most of them? It pains me to know that I'll be 22 in June and some of my high-school classmates will already be graduating by the time they're 22. I need to get out of this rut and fast.

Hey PM.

I'm sorry to hear your latest relationship ended today.  Those emotions are going to shade your thoughts on just about anything for awhile.  You need to understand that first.  I feel like I'm talking to one of my high school students, and I definitely don't mean that in a negative way.  You graduated at my 21st year of teaching, and you have so much time in front of you to succeed.  I'm approaching 50-years old so I'll tell you what I tell a lot of my students.  I didn't come from money or privilege.  My dad was an electrician who came to the California to get away from the climate in Canada.  I think I've talked to you before about that.  I was pretty good at basketball in high school so that became my focus.  I worked really hard and got to a university on a scholarship but in my second year I was injured pretty significantly and that ended the scholarship.  My dad also lost his job that year and things looked pretty bleak for finishing school but I found part time work and got my degree.  I'm a firm believer that education opens up opportunities.  It may not provide everything, but it gives you many more options so stick with it.  I graduated with a degree in film of all things and found some work in TV production, but hated it.  After less than three years I quit and started substitute teaching just for the cash, literally.  Without the degree I couldn't have substituted.  I absolutely fell into something I love and almost 25 years later I'm still loving my career.  I had several relationships in those years, but found my wife just as I was starting teaching and she was finishing college herself.  We had crappy apartments at first and struggled with the bills.  We held off on a family and eventually decided to adopt after several years.  We've been married for over 21 years now and have an 18-year old daughter who is about to graduate and doesn't know what she wants to do and a 16 year-old son who knows what he wants more than I did.  You have to keep moving forward, whether it's school, career, relationships, it doesn't just happen.  You have to work for it.  That's what I tell my own kids and my school kids, and that's from experience.  

[Dadrian]

All of your years are the best. You’ll see. Hang in there.

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, pahonu said:

Hey PM.

I'm sorry to hear your latest relationship ended today.  Those emotions are going to shade your thoughts on just about anything for awhile.  You need to understand that first.  I feel like I'm talking to one of my high school students, and I definitely don't mean that in a negative way.  You graduated at my 21st year of teaching, and you have so much time in front of you to succeed.  I'm approaching 50-years old so I'll tell you what I tell a lot of my students.  I didn't come from money or privilege.  My dad was an electrician who came to the California to get away from the climate in Canada.  I think I've talked to you before about that.  I was pretty good at basketball in high school so that became my focus.  I worked really hard and got to a university on a scholarship but in my second year I was injured pretty significantly and that ended the scholarship.  My dad also lost his job that year and things looked pretty bleak for finishing school but I found part time work and got my degree.  I'm a firm believer that education opens up opportunities.  It may not provide everything, but it gives you many more options so stick with it.  I graduated with a degree in film of all things and found some work in TV production, but hated it.  After less than three years I quit and started substitute teaching just for the cash, literally.  Without the degree I couldn't have substituted.  I absolutely fell into something I love and almost 25 years later I'm still loving my career.  I had several relationships in those years, but found my wife just as I was starting teaching and she was finishing college herself.  We had crappy apartments at first and struggled with the bills.  We held off on a family and eventually decided to adopt after several years.  We've been married for over 21 years now and have an 18-year old daughter who is about to graduate and doesn't know what she wants to do and a 16 year-old son who knows what he wants more than I did.  You have to keep moving forward, whether it's school, career, relationships, it doesn't just happen.  You have to work for it.  That's what I tell my own kids and my school kids, and that's from experience.  

Good to hear from you again. I always like hearing those stories, not only are they interesting but they serve as an inspiration to me, knowing that people who have been under lots of pressure have come out on top and that I can too. I am certainly working for a better life, there is something in me that drags my ass out of bed every morning and drives me to work. I guess I’m just having some major existential anxiety on top of the comparing myself to other people. I mean, I have had a number of serious existential crises in the last few years. The kind where you just don’t know who or what you are anymore and just continue to go through the motions because that’s all you can do, where you have all these thoughts but seemingly no emotions, where you want to be sad but can’t feel. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but... this doesn’t seem right. There are times when I wonder if I died and went to hell, I had a near head-on collision at 60mph several years ago and when I get really low, I wonder if maybe I didn’t actually survive. That’s absurd I guess.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, it helps to get input, and the fact that you took time out of your day to express your thoughts.

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, Dadrian said:

All of your years are the best. You’ll see. Hang in there.

You’re right, I will see :)

I know things will slowly but surely improve. In the immortal words of Crockett “no matter how hot it gets, sooner or later there’s a cool breeze coming in”

[BunMVO]

2 hours ago, Vincent Hanna said:

I don't know what to say man, you sound like you're living the life.  

You're 21 yo, a good looking dude, have a decent family and had plenty of jobs/girlfriends. What more can a guy want? Don't waste your time comparing yourself to others because you'll never win that game, there'll always be someone "ahead" of you. You seem to being doing vastly better than most 21 yo's so why beat yourself up because others are even more successful.

There's a Joe Rogan podcast with this clinical psychologist guy Jordan Petersen, I highly recommend it. He talks about depression and stuff in depth and gave me a new way of looking at things. 

 

I hear a lot about this Joe Rogan guy, I should check that out. I feel like I’ve seen it in my YouTube recommendations before but just haven’t watched it.

And thanks man, I like to think I’m good-looking. But like Miami Vice itself, there’s some not-so-pretty things going on beneath the exterior. I guess you’re right in that I’m living a good life, and I have no right to complain. I really can’t complain about it but I can and will say this: I have some real issues I need to work out because obviously there are some mental roadblocks keeping me from my full potential.

All I want, really, is a sign, a sign of what I need to do which will radically change my course in life and get me on track to where I should be. It would also be nice if things could stop deteriorating, in my mind, in my relationships, social life, and everything else.

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, Robbie C. said:

I'd say the most important faith to have is faith in yourself. Sounds like you know more or less where you want to go and are on the way there. To be honest, your 20s are usually the toughest years of your life because you're trying to figure things out and discovering that all the crap you saw on TV about people in their 20s is wrong. There's nothing wrong with striving for more, mind, but always keep in mind what you have right now. Find yourself, have faith in yourself, and most other things will follow. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Think of Castillo. He was a rock because he knew himself and what he was doing. But he'd also ask others for help if he needed it. There's no shame in that. The shame comes from knowing you need help and being too proud to ask for it.

Exactly Robbie, and that’s pretty much why I come here with this conversation. I know I can’t live the life I want to live without any help from others. But sometimes, it feels like you’ve only got yourself. Even though I have family I love and friends I care for, I feel very alone at times. Even when I had my last girlfriend, I felt alone, as dumb as it sounds. So you’re right when you say you first and foremost have to have faith in yourself.

Here’s to hoping that I can dig myself out of this rut.

[James]

Not sure what you're complaining about, you have it FAR better than me. At least you have a job, and are actively dating many womens. And I'm sure things will get better for you, eventually you'll find the right woman, get a steady job and have it all. There's really nothing to be depressed about. Keep your chin up. 

"It's like life - You just gotta keep telling yourself no matter how hot it gets, sooner or later there's a cool breeze coming in."

 

Anyway, things should get better. I heard people say your 30s are your best years, so we shall wait until then.

[squeezem3]

1 hour ago, pmconroy said:

I hear a lot about this Joe Rogan guy, I should check that out. I feel like I’ve seen it in my YouTube recommendations before but just haven’t watched it.

And thanks man, I like to think I’m good-looking. But like Miami Vice itself, there’s some not-so-pretty things going on beneath the exterior. I guess you’re right in that I’m living a good life, and I have no right to complain. I really can’t complain about it but I can and will say this: I have some real issues I need to work out because obviously there are some mental roadblocks keeping me from my full potential.

All I want, really, is a sign, a sign of what I need to do which will radically change my course in life and get me on track to where I should be. It would also be nice if things could stop deteriorating, in my mind, in my relationships, social life, and everything else.

That's a very important point by Vincent Hanna in my opinion. I know it can be tough sometimes, but the only thing that matters is how you make the most out of your own possibilities. Never compare yourself to others. That's especially hard in these times with social media. The whole attention whoring in social media confuses young people about the priorities of life. Stop comparing and competing in the rat race. Just focus on what you're capable of and what's the best way to achieve that goal.

Apparently you're on the right way to have a better life, but even if you'd struggle again for whatever reason, never lose your focus and don't consider giving up, just because life doesn't seem fair. Remember what Izzy told Sonny, after he lost his Ferrari

To answer the thread's question, the 20s are clearly not the best years. A person in the age of 21 almost never found their own identity yet, opinions and the way you handle things will change with time. With experiences. You'll get a clearer view on the bigger picture and you'll learn how to stay calm, when you would not in your 20s.If you're Christian, sure, faith might help to gain some extra-energy and support when you feel on the downside. Plus, as a man, you'll reach the peak of your life later than a woman does. We're actually getting better with age, just like good wine

 

Edited March 13, 2019 by squeezem3

[Ferrariman]

2 hours ago, James said:

Anyway, things should get better. I heard people say your 30s are your best years, so we shall wait until then.

I'll second that.  My 30's held a lot of great memories. And yes I turned 30 when Vice was new in '84   My 40s, even better.

As far as bouncing back from depression, I'd say you have the hardest part beat. That being, you recognize it and you want to fix it.  Whenever I'm feeling down I  tell myself, things will always get better and they usually always do!  Nothing happens overnight,  One day at a time.

[BunMVO]

8 hours ago, James said:

Not sure what you're complaining about, you have it FAR better than me. At least you have a job, and are actively dating many womens. And I'm sure things will get better for you, eventually you'll find the right woman, get a steady job and have it all. There's really nothing to be depressed about. Keep your chin up. 

"It's like life - You just gotta keep telling yourself no matter how hot it gets, sooner or later there's a cool breeze coming in."

 

Anyway, things should get better. I heard people say your 30s are your best years, so we shall wait until then.

Hey man, don’t take any of this as an insult. I’m not trying to be better than you. I’m just saying, my job is not a high-paying job and the women I date tend to be of subpar quality (psycho or gross, choose one - or both). But I agree with you.

[Robbie C.]

Focus on Castillo. Of all the many characters we see in Vice, he's by far the most grounded and resilient. He lost, found, and lost his wife, had to kill an old friend, had another old friend die on his watch, AND had to keep track of Sonny, Rico, Gina, Trudy, Stan, and bury Larry. Squeezem3's right about social media: too many studies show most people lie or misrepresent on it to make their lives look much more exciting and successful than they really are. Take a break from the social, focus on yourself, get that faith in yourself going, and things will get better. Maybe not pay-wise, but that's not a good gauge of how you're REALLY doing. Once you're centered and true to yourself, other things will follow.

[BunMVO]

10 hours ago, squeezem3 said:

That's a very important point by Vincent Hanna in my opinion. I know it can be tough sometimes, but the only thing that matters is how you make the most out of your own possibilities. Never compare yourself to others. That's especially hard in these times with social media. The whole attention whoring in social media confuses young people about the priorities of life. Stop comparing and competing in the rat race. Just focus on what you're capable of and what's the best way to achieve that goal.

Apparently you're on the right way to have a better life, but even if you'd struggle again for whatever reason, never lose your focus and don't consider giving up, just because life doesn't seem fair. Remember what Izzy told Sonny, after he lost his Ferrari

To answer the thread's question, the 20s are clearly not the best years. A person in the age of 21 almost never found their own identity yet, opinions and the way you handle things will change with time. With experiences. You'll get a clearer view on the bigger picture and you'll learn how to stay calm, when you would not in your 20s.If you're Christian, sure, faith might help to gain some extra-energy and support when you feel on the downside. Plus, as a man, you'll reach the peak of your life later than a woman does. We're actually getting better with age, just like good wine

 

You’re right. I have plenty of time to be stupid yet xD

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, Robbie C. said:

Focus on Castillo. Of all the many characters we see in Vice, he's by far the most grounded and resilient. He lost, found, and lost his wife, had to kill an old friend, had another old friend die on his watch, AND had to keep track of Sonny, Rico, Gina, Trudy, Stan, and bury Larry. Squeezem3's right about social media: too many studies show most people lie or misrepresent on it to make their lives look much more exciting and successful than they really are. Take a break from the social, focus on yourself, get that faith in yourself going, and things will get better. Maybe not pay-wise, but that's not a good gauge of how you're REALLY doing. Once you're centered and true to yourself, other things will follow.

Yeah, I always thought he was by far the most principled of all the characters. Even our beloved Crockett, who murdered and lost his shit near the end. Granted, I would have done the same to Hackman but I digress. A member on this forum pointed out that Castillo’s convictions were even reflected in his manner of dress - black and white.

Couldn't agree more with the point about being true to yourself. The best thing you can do for your life is to improve yourself before focusing on others. Even at my age I’ve learned that...

[BunMVO]

8 hours ago, Ferrariman said:

I'll second that.  My 30's held a lot of great memories. And yes I turned 30 when Vice was new in '84   My 40s, even better.

As far as bouncing back from depression, I'd say you have the hardest part beat. That being, you recognize it and you want to fix it.  Whenever I'm feeling down I  tell myself, things will always get better and they usually always do!  Nothing happens overnight,  One day at a time.

I’m terrified of even turning 22. I feel like the clock is just ticking. I wish I didn’t feel that way.

[Robbie C.]

2 minutes ago, pmconroy said:

I’m terrified of even turning 22. I feel like the clock is just ticking. I wish I didn’t feel that way.

That's US society to a great degree. They push so many unrealistic narratives of people who've "made it" before they were 25. For the majority of us it isn't like that at all. Again, if we turn to Vice the successful people are in their 30s. The younger ones? They end up like the punks in "Nobody Lives Forever" or the other young dealers we see used up and tossed to the curb. It takes time to find your place and space in life. Vice actually did a fair job of showing this, though it never gets credit for it.

I've worked around the military most of my adult life, and one of the saddest things I saw were people retiring at 38 or 40. Why was that sad? They had no idea who they were once they took off the uniform. It was all they'd been, all they'd done, for the first part of their adult life. They went out into the job market knowing nothing about what they were getting into in many cases. It was like they were fresh out of high school all over again. In most cases they knew a lot and had done a lot, but it was very specific knowing and doing. The wider parts of life (picking your insurance, dealing with landlords on your own, even job interviews) were mysteries to them. Sorry to ramble, but it's a long way of saying you're not alone and this happens to everyone. If they say it didn't, they're likely lying or were totally spoiled (grew up with the proverbial silver spoon).

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, Robbie C. said:

That's US society to a great degree. They push so many unrealistic narratives of people who've "made it" before they were 25. For the majority of us it isn't like that at all. Again, if we turn to Vice the successful people are in their 30s. The younger ones? They end up like the punks in "Nobody Lives Forever" or the other young dealers we see used up and tossed to the curb. It takes time to find your place and space in life. Vice actually did a fair job of showing this, though it never gets credit for it.

I've worked around the military most of my adult life, and one of the saddest things I saw were people retiring at 38 or 40. Why was that sad? They had no idea who they were once they took off the uniform. It was all they'd been, all they'd done, for the first part of their adult life. They went out into the job market knowing nothing about what they were getting into in many cases. It was like they were fresh out of high school all over again. In most cases they knew a lot and had done a lot, but it was very specific knowing and doing. The wider parts of life (picking your insurance, dealing with landlords on your own, even job interviews) were mysteries to them. Sorry to ramble, but it's a long way of saying you're not alone and this happens to everyone. If they say it didn't, they're likely lying or were totally spoiled (grew up with the proverbial silver spoon).

I didn’t even think of that but it’s true now that I think about it. Even DJ didn’t see real success until he was 35, when Vice premiered. I’m reading the Miami Magic book and it talks about how he was kind of a mess before the game. He really struggled with drugs and alcohol. Of course, we know he would eventually go back to it, but as arrogant as he is, he has had plenty of struggle and he’s earned my respect for making something of himself.

[Mvice8489]

 Hey dude, sorry to hear about your recent troubles.  

  I’m 52 years old but remember being your age very well.   I’ve always been a type ‘A’ kind of guy.    Incredibly driven.   And, like you, at about age 21 I didn’t feel that I was living up to my full potential.    Buddies of mine in college had much better grades, better jobs, etc.     it drove me nuts. 

    When I was young I did not play any sports. My parents never took the time to teach me sports and quite frankly just didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of taking me to games or practice etc.   They are genuinely great parents but sports just wasn’t their thing.

  This is going to sound weird, but at age 13 I got incredibly into the stock market of all things. Keep in mind this is back in 1980. Nobody back then hardly even knew what the stock market was.  LOL    By the time I was 14 I bought my first share of stock with money I made whike working on my grandparents farm.  

   The reason that I bring this up is that all during high school the attention was spent on all of the athletes.  Those are the guys that the girls had an interest in. I was actually a pretty decent looking kid but cheerleaders were not interested in guys in high school who read the Wall Street Journal

    Needless to say my high school years were certainly not my favorite.

College was different though. I joined a business fraternity and my frat buddies were a great time to hang out with. These guys were not geeks. They were guys that liked to drink beer and party like everybody else on weekends, but they were also VERY serious during the week about getting a business degree and being successful.

     This leads me to your age. At about age 22 a bunch of those buddies already had great job offers and absolutely phenomenal grade point average.   It drove me crazy because I always thought, “hey, maybe I won’t ever be the star athlete, but I will always be the more successful guy in the room” .    Turns out I was kind of wrong.     There were guys my age that were more successful than me. 

     But by the time I was 25 I got a job as a stockbroker and was very successful in  short period of time. By the time I was 30 I was multiple laps ahead of all of my other college buddies.   Financially I was doing very well.   But even in those years I still had many sleepless night filled with self-doubt.   The problem is, at that age you just don’t know what you don’t know yet.    It’s easy to look back now and say that I probably over thought things. (Kind a like what you may be doing right now?).

 Even today, at age 52, after 28 years of pretty darn good success in the brokerage business, I still have sleepless nights  filled with self-doubt from time to time. Certainly not very often. But I still have them nonetheless.   It’s just going to happen.  

   I think I commented on one of your previous post about the climate . It seemed that you were depressed about the Minnesota weather. I live in Milwaukee so I can totally relate. The winters here suck.   First thing I would do if I were you is get the hell out of the Midwest.   Do it now while you don’t have any serious job or girlfriend to tie you down. Use those to attribute to your advantage.

If you have any potential depression issues related to climate this weather is not going to help you in the long run. 

   More importantly,  you need to find a “focus” .    That will be the hardest thing that you ever do.   It needs to be the one thing that internally drives you.   Mine was the stock market.  And, like you, my second was Miami Vice

  It may take you a few years to find it. But you will!

   Us old guys are lucky that we had  Miami Vice.  The show was on while I was in college. And all of those years, between age of 20 and age of 52, that show has always been the “place” that I go to when I feel not balanced in my life .    It’s literally the perfect escape. The warm climate. The music. The cars. The women. The actors. The whole damn thing just is one giant piece of art !!!

    Bottom line, you just need to keep the faith. The answer is there but you probably won’t find it if you are looking for it to closely . Just let it come to you. 

    In the meantime you need to do what is right for you physically and mentally. Get as much exercise as you possibly can. If you are not a member of a gym you need to go immediately.   Not just for physical reasons but you will be surprised at the amount of mental stress that is extinguished after a great workout.  

   Don’t eat a lot of crappy food. You don’t need to be a health nut, but stay away from the crap.   It’s all about moderation. If you want to beer… Fine.    Just don’t drink 10 of them  

   The problem that the kids your age your face nowadays is social media. Everybody is on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat pretending their life is all beautiful. You know what? That’s a bunch of bullshit.  Don’t believe the hype.  

   Sometimes life is as simple as getting a pen and a piece of paper out in writing out what it is that you want to  accomplish with your life.  So do that. Keep that piece of paper with you and focus on it.

 If you find you are doing things that are against the principles of that list then stop doing them. If you are not doing the things that you should be doing, start doing them.

    There is a whole lot of life to live between the ages of 20 and 100. You have not even started to taste the fruits of life yet!!  The best is yet to come, dude.  

 

 

   

 

[Ferrariman]

5 hours ago, pmconroy said:

I’m terrified of even turning 22. I feel like the clock is just ticking. I wish I didn’t feel that way.

I honestly don't know many (if any) people who had their life in order at 21. To most, the big thing is finally being old enough to drink. Sounds to me like you're ahead of the curve.

[VICE365]

Hey dude sorry about your troubles, But their are a lot of guys and gals that have experienced this and or going through now as you are and end up fine. It's okay to have these doubts, you don't have to be positive all the time. It's ok to feel sad, angry annoyed, frustrated or scared about the future. this doesn't make a negative person. It makes you human. I went through a lot of your issues at  around 22 years old. Bottom line I thought my life was over. Little did I know what the good lord had in my future. My mid twenties got better, My thirties even better, my forties and fifties even better and now 60s retired and God has blessed me in so many ways Children, grandchildren,Financial freedom and my health,but most of all Jesus in my life . There is a book I recommend you to read by Kyle Idleman  titled DON'T GIVE UP, Your life is just starting .Focus on what you want to achieve . Walk by faith, not by sight. Good luck in your journey.

[Vincent Hanna]

8 hours ago, pmconroy said:

I’m terrified of even turning 22. I feel like the clock is just ticking. I wish I didn’t feel that way.

I'm 25 and remember that dread of every birthday. "uh oh..i'm going to be 20" "now 21, now 22" etc but then the day comes and it isn't nearly as bad as you think.

I'd hate to be sappy and reference a movie but ... in "Heat" during the famous coffee scene, De niro and Pacino compare dreams..."I have one where i'm drowning" "You know what that's about?" "Yeah...not having enough time." "...enough time to do the things you want to do?".

I think we all feel that way at some point. The fear of missing out.

Edited March 14, 2019 by Vincent Hanna