Are your twenties the best years of your life? For me, not looking that way

[James]

14 hours ago, pmconroy said:

Hey man, don’t take any of this as an insult. I’m not trying to be better than you. I’m just saying, my job is not a high-paying job and the women I date tend to be of subpar quality (psycho or gross, choose one - or both). But I agree with you.

Wasn't taking it as an insult, was just saying that you shouldn't feel down because things can be a lot worse.  

[James]

20 hours ago, Ferrariman said:

I'll second that.  My 30's held a lot of great memories. And yes I turned 30 when Vice was new in '84   My 40s, even better.

As far as bouncing back from depression, I'd say you have the hardest part beat. That being, you recognize it and you want to fix it.  Whenever I'm feeling down I  tell myself, things will always get better and they usually always do!  Nothing happens overnight,  One day at a time.

Yeah. 20s is all about establishing yourself, putting in the work to find a career, find a wife, buy a house, build a family, it's all a lot to take in and a lot of work. But in your 30s you can sort of sit back, relax, and start to enjoy everything you've worked for.

[chum981]

Try not to overwhelm yourself and compare yourself with others.  People do different things at different points in their life.  Some marry early, some late.  Some don’t find a good career path until many years after working.  Some aren’t able to buy a house and have to rent.  Some are fortunate in finding a great partner early, but may struggle at other aspects of life.  And of course some have a great job, but their family life is a real struggle (maybe problems with wife, parents or kids).

So have goals and ambitions and a plan and know that things can take time.  Usually there is a struggle in your 20s, but things get better as you get older.

Edited March 14, 2019 by chum981

[Vicefan7777]

I am one of those middle aged men on this site. I remember my early 20s as I was a college student.  I too came from a broken home and looked forward to getting out on my own. And just like you I went through many relationships.  One was just getting started when her ex boyfriend came back into her life. You are just getting started in the adult world so you should expect many ups and downs.  You have to feel your own way and find what you like. Do you have a best friend you can talk too?  It really does help with depression. Just keep positive and remember we are your family too. 

[jpaul1]

On 3/13/2019 at 7:31 AM, pmconroy said:

I hear a lot about this Joe Rogan guy, I should check that out. I feel like I’ve seen it in my YouTube recommendations before but just haven’t watched it.

And thanks man, I like to think I’m good-looking. But like Miami Vice itself, there’s some not-so-pretty things going on beneath the exterior. I guess you’re right in that I’m living a good life, and I have no right to complain. I really can’t complain about it but I can and will say this: I have some real issues I need to work out because obviously there are some mental roadblocks keeping me from my full potential.

All I want, really, is a sign, a sign of what I need to do which will radically change my course in life and get me on track to where I should be. It would also be nice if things could stop deteriorating, in my mind, in my relationships, social life, and everything else.

 

On 3/13/2019 at 7:46 PM, pmconroy said:

I’m terrified of even turning 22. I feel like the clock is just ticking. I wish I didn’t feel that way.

you are doing well, you're doing really well for a 21 pal. you should be proud of yourself, not frightened. you are capable of analizing your situation, and want to fix it. you can't actually do better. Mvice8489 post below is a really good post actually. you should read it carefully

On 3/14/2019 at 12:48 AM, Mvice8489 said:

 Hey dude, sorry to hear about your recent troubles.  

  I’m 52 years old but remember being your age very well.   I’ve always been a type ‘A’ kind of guy.    Incredibly driven.   And, like you, at about age 21 I didn’t feel that I was living up to my full potential.    Buddies of mine in college had much better grades, better jobs, etc.     it drove me nuts. 

    When I was young I did not play any sports. My parents never took the time to teach me sports and quite frankly just didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of taking me to games or practice etc.   They are genuinely great parents but sports just wasn’t their thing.

  This is going to sound weird, but at age 13 I got incredibly into the stock market of all things. Keep in mind this is back in 1980. Nobody back then hardly even knew what the stock market was.  LOL    By the time I was 14 I bought my first share of stock with money I made whike working on my grandparents farm.  

   The reason that I bring this up is that all during high school the attention was spent on all of the athletes.  Those are the guys that the girls had an interest in. I was actually a pretty decent looking kid but cheerleaders were not interested in guys in high school who read the Wall Street Journal

    Needless to say my high school years were certainly not my favorite.

College was different though. I joined a business fraternity and my frat buddies were a great time to hang out with. These guys were not geeks. They were guys that liked to drink beer and party like everybody else on weekends, but they were also VERY serious during the week about getting a business degree and being successful.

     This leads me to your age. At about age 22 a bunch of those buddies already had great job offers and absolutely phenomenal grade point average.   It drove me crazy because I always thought, “hey, maybe I won’t ever be the star athlete, but I will always be the more successful guy in the room” .    Turns out I was kind of wrong.     There were guys my age that were more successful than me. 

     But by the time I was 25 I got a job as a stockbroker and was very successful in  short period of time. By the time I was 30 I was multiple laps ahead of all of my other college buddies.   Financially I was doing very well.   But even in those years I still had many sleepless night filled with self-doubt.   The problem is, at that age you just don’t know what you don’t know yet.    It’s easy to look back now and say that I probably over thought things. (Kind a like what you may be doing right now?).

 Even today, at age 52, after 28 years of pretty darn good success in the brokerage business, I still have sleepless nights  filled with self-doubt from time to time. Certainly not very often. But I still have them nonetheless.   It’s just going to happen.  

   I think I commented on one of your previous post about the climate . It seemed that you were depressed about the Minnesota weather. I live in Milwaukee so I can totally relate. The winters here suck.   First thing I would do if I were you is get the hell out of the Midwest.   Do it now while you don’t have any serious job or girlfriend to tie you down. Use those to attribute to your advantage.

If you have any potential depression issues related to climate this weather is not going to help you in the long run. 

   More importantly,  you need to find a “focus” .    That will be the hardest thing that you ever do.   It needs to be the one thing that internally drives you.   Mine was the stock market.  And, like you, my second was Miami Vice

  It may take you a few years to find it. But you will!

   Us old guys are lucky that we had  Miami Vice.  The show was on while I was in college. And all of those years, between age of 20 and age of 52, that show has always been the “place” that I go to when I feel not balanced in my life .    It’s literally the perfect escape. The warm climate. The music. The cars. The women. The actors. The whole damn thing just is one giant piece of art !!!

    Bottom line, you just need to keep the faith. The answer is there but you probably won’t find it if you are looking for it to closely . Just let it come to you. 

    In the meantime you need to do what is right for you physically and mentally. Get as much exercise as you possibly can. If you are not a member of a gym you need to go immediately.   Not just for physical reasons but you will be surprised at the amount of mental stress that is extinguished after a great workout.  

   Don’t eat a lot of crappy food. You don’t need to be a health nut, but stay away from the crap.   It’s all about moderation. If you want to beer… Fine.    Just don’t drink 10 of them  

   The problem that the kids your age your face nowadays is social media. Everybody is on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat pretending their life is all beautiful. You know what? That’s a bunch of bullshit.  Don’t believe the hype.  

   Sometimes life is as simple as getting a pen and a piece of paper out in writing out what it is that you want to  accomplish with your life.  So do that. Keep that piece of paper with you and focus on it.

 If you find you are doing things that are against the principles of that list then stop doing them. If you are not doing the things that you should be doing, start doing them.

    There is a whole lot of life to live between the ages of 20 and 100. You have not even started to taste the fruits of life yet!!  The best is yet to come, dude. 

 

 

On 3/14/2019 at 8:01 AM, James said:

Yeah. 20s is all about establishing yourself, putting in the work to find a career, find a wife, buy a house, build a family, it's all a lot to take in and a lot of work. But in your 30s you can sort of sit back, relax, and start to enjoy everything you've worked for.

don't buy houses, rent them. that way you stay free

[James]

1 hour ago, jpm1 said:

don't buy houses, rent them. that way you stay free

That way the bank doesn't own you.  

[BunMVO]

On 3/13/2019 at 6:48 PM, Mvice8489 said:

 Hey dude, sorry to hear about your recent troubles.  

  I’m 52 years old but remember being your age very well.   I’ve always been a type ‘A’ kind of guy.    Incredibly driven.   And, like you, at about age 21 I didn’t feel that I was living up to my full potential.    Buddies of mine in college had much better grades, better jobs, etc.     it drove me nuts. 

    When I was young I did not play any sports. My parents never took the time to teach me sports and quite frankly just didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of taking me to games or practice etc.   They are genuinely great parents but sports just wasn’t their thing.

  This is going to sound weird, but at age 13 I got incredibly into the stock market of all things. Keep in mind this is back in 1980. Nobody back then hardly even knew what the stock market was.  LOL    By the time I was 14 I bought my first share of stock with money I made whike working on my grandparents farm.  

   The reason that I bring this up is that all during high school the attention was spent on all of the athletes.  Those are the guys that the girls had an interest in. I was actually a pretty decent looking kid but cheerleaders were not interested in guys in high school who read the Wall Street Journal

    Needless to say my high school years were certainly not my favorite.

College was different though. I joined a business fraternity and my frat buddies were a great time to hang out with. These guys were not geeks. They were guys that liked to drink beer and party like everybody else on weekends, but they were also VERY serious during the week about getting a business degree and being successful.

     This leads me to your age. At about age 22 a bunch of those buddies already had great job offers and absolutely phenomenal grade point average.   It drove me crazy because I always thought, “hey, maybe I won’t ever be the star athlete, but I will always be the more successful guy in the room” .    Turns out I was kind of wrong.     There were guys my age that were more successful than me. 

     But by the time I was 25 I got a job as a stockbroker and was very successful in  short period of time. By the time I was 30 I was multiple laps ahead of all of my other college buddies.   Financially I was doing very well.   But even in those years I still had many sleepless night filled with self-doubt.   The problem is, at that age you just don’t know what you don’t know yet.    It’s easy to look back now and say that I probably over thought things. (Kind a like what you may be doing right now?).

 Even today, at age 52, after 28 years of pretty darn good success in the brokerage business, I still have sleepless nights  filled with self-doubt from time to time. Certainly not very often. But I still have them nonetheless.   It’s just going to happen.  

   I think I commented on one of your previous post about the climate . It seemed that you were depressed about the Minnesota weather. I live in Milwaukee so I can totally relate. The winters here suck.   First thing I would do if I were you is get the hell out of the Midwest.   Do it now while you don’t have any serious job or girlfriend to tie you down. Use those to attribute to your advantage.

If you have any potential depression issues related to climate this weather is not going to help you in the long run. 

   More importantly,  you need to find a “focus” .    That will be the hardest thing that you ever do.   It needs to be the one thing that internally drives you.   Mine was the stock market.  And, like you, my second was Miami Vice

  It may take you a few years to find it. But you will!

   Us old guys are lucky that we had  Miami Vice.  The show was on while I was in college. And all of those years, between age of 20 and age of 52, that show has always been the “place” that I go to when I feel not balanced in my life .    It’s literally the perfect escape. The warm climate. The music. The cars. The women. The actors. The whole damn thing just is one giant piece of art !!!

    Bottom line, you just need to keep the faith. The answer is there but you probably won’t find it if you are looking for it to closely . Just let it come to you. 

    In the meantime you need to do what is right for you physically and mentally. Get as much exercise as you possibly can. If you are not a member of a gym you need to go immediately.   Not just for physical reasons but you will be surprised at the amount of mental stress that is extinguished after a great workout.  

   Don’t eat a lot of crappy food. You don’t need to be a health nut, but stay away from the crap.   It’s all about moderation. If you want to beer… Fine.    Just don’t drink 10 of them  

   The problem that the kids your age your face nowadays is social media. Everybody is on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat pretending their life is all beautiful. You know what? That’s a bunch of bullshit.  Don’t believe the hype.  

   Sometimes life is as simple as getting a pen and a piece of paper out in writing out what it is that you want to  accomplish with your life.  So do that. Keep that piece of paper with you and focus on it.

 If you find you are doing things that are against the principles of that list then stop doing them. If you are not doing the things that you should be doing, start doing them.

    There is a whole lot of life to live between the ages of 20 and 100. You have not even started to taste the fruits of life yet!!  The best is yet to come, dude.  

 

 

   

 

This is an excellent reply. I agree with pretty much everything you said, and I especially agree with the point about social media. It really makes everything worse because everyone tries to flex on each other and constantly out-do each other. Whether it's vacations, friends, parties, girls, cars, money, houses, achievements, it never ends - and it is the perfect enabler of narcissism. I think it's one of the great scourges of our time. There have been studies that show that social media is extremely harmful to mental health, it's no wonder everyone is such a mental midget these days.

Thanks for all your advice... I feel like I could be talking to my dad right now as weird as that sounds lmao. In reality you're almost the same age as my dad. Oh well, just be glad you're of that age group, you got to experience the greatest years in human history!

[BunMVO]

On 3/14/2019 at 6:58 AM, chum981 said:

Try not to overwhelm yourself and compare yourself with others.  People do different things at different points in their life.  Some marry early, some late.  Some don’t find a good career path until many years after working.  Some aren’t able to buy a house and have to rent.  Some are fortunate in finding a great partner early, but may struggle at other aspects of life.  And of course some have a great job, but their family life is a real struggle (maybe problems with wife, parents or kids).

So have goals and ambitions and a plan and know that things can take time.  Usually there is a struggle in your 20s, but things get better as you get older.

See that's the thing and I almost feel it's a generational, modern thing - I have an extremely jaded outlook on life already and have already given up on the whole "wife" thing. I feel as though I am not compatible with anyone and marriage is nothing more than a bad joke. I'm not proud to say it but honestly I just hook up with whoever I come across. I hate that I have this hedonistic mindset in many ways and wish I believed in love but it seems like a fairytale.

That's another thing I've really thought about more as I've grown and matured. The idea of being with one woman for the rest of my life is downright petrifying. That's another reason I love the character Crockett so much, because he is very alone - not really by choice, but because he just knows that he can't truly trust anyone and commit. 

Good thing is, I'm a man and I have no biological clock like women do. I can still have kids until I drop dead. 

[BunMVO]

1 hour ago, jpm1 said:

 

you are doing well, you're doing really well for a 21 pal. you should be proud of yourself, not frightened. you are capable of analizing your situation, and want to fix it. you can't actually do better. Mvice8489 post below is a really good post actually. you should read it carefully

 

don't buy houses, rent them. that way you stay free

Yeah, believe me. It's not even close to being in the cards right now.

[Ferrariman]

On 3/13/2019 at 11:10 PM, Vincent Hanna said:

I'm 25 and remember that dread of every birthday. "uh oh..i'm going to be 20" "now 21, now 22" etc but then the day comes and it isn't nearly as bad as you think.

Try "uh oh..I'm going to be 60" "now 61, now 62  etc. 

To quote Pink Floyd    "and then one day you find, ten years have got behind you"  

  Just enjoy being in your 20's cause it all goes so quickly 

[BunMVO]

29 minutes ago, Ferrariman said:

Try "uh oh..I'm going to be 60" "now 61, now 62  etc. 

To quote Pink Floyd    "and then one day you find, ten years have got behind you"  

  Just enjoy being in your 20's cause it all goes so quickly 

That’s true. I enjoyed my teens as much as I could for that reason and I’m trying to do the same for my twenties. Trying...

[vicegirl85]

7 hours ago, pmconroy said:

See that's the thing and I almost feel it's a generational, modern thing - I have an extremely jaded outlook on life already and have already given up on the whole "wife" thing. I feel as though I am not compatible with anyone and marriage is nothing more than a bad joke. I'm not proud to say it but honestly I just hook up with whoever I come across. I hate that I have this hedonistic mindset in many ways and wish I believed in love but it seems like a fairytale.

That's another thing I've really thought about more as I've grown and matured. The idea of being with one woman for the rest of my life is downright petrifying. That's another reason I love the character Crockett so much, because he is very alone - not really by choice, but because he just knows that he can't truly trust anyone and commit. 

Good thing is, I'm a man and I have no biological clock like women do. I can still have kids until I drop dead. 

No need to be in a hurry, but don't "give up" if you think you have an interest in being with someone in a committed relationship!  I have a brother who didn't marry until he was 36 years old.  He's now been married for over 20 years to a wonderful woman, but he has known her for 30 years.  They took the time to get to know each other well before they made the big commitment.

I do think it's scary at age 21 to think you may be with one person for 70 years

And although it's true men can father a child for many more years compared to women carrying a child, trust me your energy level isn't the same at 60 as it is at 30...

[BunMVO]

2 hours ago, vicegirl85 said:

No need to be in a hurry, but don't "give up" if you think you have an interest in being with someone in a committed relationship!  I have a brother who didn't marry until he was 36 years old.  He's now been married for over 20 years to a wonderful woman, but he has known her for 30 years.  They took the time to get to know each other well before they made the big commitment.

I do think it's scary at age 21 to think you may be with one person for 70 years

And although it's true men can father a child for many more years compared to women carrying a child, trust me your energy level isn't the same at 60 as it is at 30...

That’s true. I’m just so jaded already and I’m only 21. I suppose it’s because I’ve faced a ton of rejection and the ones I have dated have ended up being absolutely crazy, I could go on forever. At least I don’t have to commit to anyone right now.

[Vincent Hanna]

50 minutes ago, pmconroy said:

That’s true. I’m just so jaded already and I’m only 21. I suppose it’s because I’ve faced a ton of rejection and the ones I have dated have ended up being absolutely crazy, I could go on forever. At least I don’t have to commit to anyone right now.

Even your bad experiences sound memorable dude  Bad experiences are still better than none.

Edited March 19, 2019 by Vincent Hanna

[daytona365]

14 hours ago, pmconroy said:

See that's the thing and I almost feel it's a generational, modern thing - I have an extremely jaded outlook on life already and have already given up on the whole "wife" thing. I feel as though I am not compatible with anyone and marriage is nothing more than a bad joke. I'm not proud to say it but honestly I just hook up with whoever I come across. I hate that I have this hedonistic mindset in many ways and wish I believed in love but it seems like a fairytale.

That's another thing I've really thought about more as I've grown and matured. The idea of being with one woman for the rest of my life is downright petrifying. That's another reason I love the character Crockett so much, because he is very alone - not really by choice, but because he just knows that he can't truly trust anyone and commit. 

Good thing is, I'm a man and I have no biological clock like women do. I can still have kids until I drop dead. 

I had similar feelings at your age, now 25 years later I can tell you that this all sounds pretty normal to me. Your in a testing & calibration phase and your perspective is going change over time. The experiencies you are making now are gonna help with that in the long term. Just keep on dating as you do, without the premise of finding "the one" every time. This almost HAS to lead to disappointment. Your encounters will allow you to build a better understanding of women in particular, people in general - and, most important - of yourself, as you will learn over time what's important to you, what's acceptable and what's not. Enduring relationsships IMO are essentially about acceptance and respect rather than pursuing ideals. Enjoy your young age, take your time, don't get too emotionally involved from the start because that will get only in your way. Allow things to grow, don't be disappointed if they don't. Love will come to you when you least expect it - that may sound like a fortune cookie but is the truth as far as I have experienced. And there's a real exiting thing you still have to look forward to: your thirties

Edited March 19, 2019 by daytona365

[Buddy Love]

Hang on in there pmc!

Lot’s of good advice here already. If I were you, while still a free man, I’d do some travelling. A year or two shouldn’t matter too much at your age. It really does broaden the mind. Might help you find a career or direction you’re interested in and never knew existed. One of the hardest things for me was finding what I wanted to do.

Keep going, you never really know what tomorrow might bring and it could be good!

[BunMVO]

36 minutes ago, daytona365 said:

I had similar feelings at your age, now 25 years later I can tell you that this all sounds pretty normal to me. Your in a testing & calibration phase and your perspective is going change over time. The experiencies you are making are in the long term. Just keep on dating as you do, without the premise of finding "the one" every time. This almost HAS to lead to disappointment. Your encounters will allow you to build a better understanding of women in particular, people in general - and, most important - of yourself, as you will learn over time what's important to you, what's acceptable and what's not. Enduring relationsships IMO are essentially about acceptance and respect rather than pursuing ideals. Enjoy your young age, take your time, don't get too emotionally involved from the start because that will get only in your way. Allow things to grow, don't be disappointed if they don't. Love will come to you when you least expect it - that may sound like a fortune cookie but is the truth as far as I have experienced. And there's a real exiting thing you still have to look forward to: your thirties

Yes, I invested nothing emotionally or otherwise in my last girlfriend because of that fear. Dating isn’t at the top my priority list but one day having a family and children of my own is important to me. I guess I can enjoy being a bachelor...it’s much better than being in a crappy relationship.

 

1 hour ago, Buddy Love said:

Hang on in there pmc!

Lot’s of good advice here already. If I were you, while still a free man, I’d do some travelling. A year or two shouldn’t matter too much at your age. It really does broaden the mind. Might help you find a career or direction you’re interested in and never knew existed. One of the hardest things for me was finding what I wanted to do.

Keep going, you never really know what tomorrow might bring and it could be good!

I have done some solo traveling, I even went to Miami last summer. I can’t afford to do too much, but I squeeze it in when I can. And yes, no matter how it gets, sooner or later.. you know the rest.

[Daytona74]

Hello, back again to this forum after a leave of absence...

On the topic, @pmconroy:

I think it's fairly normal and not out of the ordinary to be confused and worry that you have no real sense of direction in your life. At 21 anyway. In some sense though, you can say that at 21, you don't have to have your whole life figured out. Some people do, they go from high school straight into college and on to a high paying job and career with no hiccups, and that's  an achievement for what it is. But take it from me, and others here, 21 is still so freakin young. You still have many, MANY of your best years ahead of you. And sometimes the detours you take in life to eventually get somewhere make life all the more interesting, especially when you then look back one day as somebody who is closer to my age or people still a tad bit older on here. You have gained a kind of life experience pretty early on that people your age often don't have if everything has gone swimmingly for them until age 21 or 22 and beyond. There are a lot of youngsters your age who are still wet behind the ears and haven't had a single bad thing happen to them where they would have had to stand their ground and not get thrown under the bus by life. You, on the other hand, seem like you've gained an appreciation for the fact that life isn't always hunky dorey. And that is kind of one of the most valuable lessons you will learn in life. And hey, you are in gainful employment. Not a big fancy job, yet, but you are pulling your weight, and once you are done with online college, there will be other roads open to you.

Like in that Baz Luhrman song... "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're behind, sometimes you're ahead, the race is long. And in the end, it's only with yourself."

As for your relationship woes, well, you live and learn. It may not be much consolation on the face of it, but what you have been going through sounds roughly more or less typical for a guy your age. I know I got my heart broken plenty when I was your age.

I'm not worried for you at all that you won't find your way in life. It's all there. As others have said, what you may need is just a little bit more faith in yourself and in things working out for you eventually.

 

Here's that Baz Luhrman song, Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen). It's 20 years old already, but it did lift me up a lot when I was going through a kind of identity crisis at 25, not entirely unlike yours at 21 now. It just has a kind of contagious positivity to it that can brighten your day now and then.

 

[BunMVO]

3 hours ago, Daytona74 said:

Hello, back again to this forum after a leave of absence...

On the topic, @pmconroy:

I think it's fairly normal and not out of the ordinary to be confused and worry that you have no real sense of direction in your life. At 21 anyway. In some sense though, you can say that at 21, you don't have to have your whole life figured out. Some people do, they go from high school straight into college and on to a high paying job and career with no hiccups, and that's  an achievement for what it is. But take it from me, and others here, 21 is still so freakin young. You still have many, MANY of your best years ahead of you. And sometimes the detours you take in life to eventually get somewhere make life all the more interesting, especially when you then look back one day as somebody who is closer to my age or people still a tad bit older on here. You have gained a kind of life experience pretty early on that people your age often don't have if everything has gone swimmingly for them until age 21 or 22 and beyond. There are a lot of youngsters your age who are still wet behind the ears and haven't had a single bad thing happen to them where they would have had to stand their ground and not get thrown under the bus by life. You, on the other hand, seem like you've gained an appreciation for the fact that life isn't always hunky dorey. And that is kind of one of the most valuable lessons you will learn in life. And hey, you are in gainful employment. Not a big fancy job, yet, but you are pulling your weight, and once you are done with online college, there will be other roads open to you.

Like in that Baz Luhrman song... "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're behind, sometimes you're ahead, the race is long. And in the end, it's only with yourself."

As for your relationship woes, well, you live and learn. It may not be much consolation on the face of it, but what you have been going through sounds roughly more or less typical for a guy your age. I know I got my heart broken plenty when I was your age.

I'm not worried for you at all that you won't find your way in life. It's all there. As others have said, what you may need is just a little bit more faith in yourself and in things working out for you eventually.

 

Here's that Baz Luhrman song, Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen). It's 20 years old already, but it did lift me up a lot when I was going through a kind of identity crisis at 25, not entirely unlike yours at 21 now. It just has a kind of contagious positivity to it that can brighten your day now and then.

 

Daytona, thank you. This is going straight to my favorites. As I sit alone on a Saturday night watching an old movie by myself at home, this is just what I needed. I bet I will look back at this 20 years from now and think about it.

I always find myself thinking of the past, when I was a kid, a teenager, high school, middle school, whatever and saying “wow, I wish I would have known then those would be the good ol days”. Then I think to myself, “maybe these are the good old days and will only continue to get better”. 

[jpaul1]

only the dead doesn't suffer. without suffering there's no happiness. i must be real old to say such things

[Robbie C.]

12 hours ago, pmconroy said:

Daytona, thank you. This is going straight to my favorites. As I sit alone on a Saturday night watching an old movie by myself at home, this is just what I needed. I bet I will look back at this 20 years from now and think about it.

I always find myself thinking of the past, when I was a kid, a teenager, high school, middle school, whatever and saying “wow, I wish I would have known then those would be the good ol days”. Then I think to myself, “maybe these are the good old days and will only continue to get better”. 

Last week is always "the good old days." I spent many Saturday nights watching old movies at home alone in my 20s, and still do so now from time to time. It's a great way to relax, reconnect with something you might have enjoyed, or discover something new to enjoy. Going out, getting drunk, and making poor choices isn't really all that exciting if you get right down to it. Alcohol doesn't really effect me very much, so I spent quite a bit of time watching people do that and quickly realized it's really kind of pointless and even dangerous on occasion. As for the other scenes, those are really best avoided. I had some former friends go down that road and it never ended well. Most of them turned back, but some didn't.

Find your compass and stay true to it. That's really the best way to go. It's lonely sometimes, not gonna lie about that. But in the end you have fewer real regrets and can at least look back and say you did the right thing no matter what.

[jpaul1]

i read once that DJ failed 7 times before being taken for MV. perseverance always pay

Edited April 7, 2019 by jpm1

[BunMVO]

28 minutes ago, Robbie C. said:

Last week is always "the good old days." I spent many Saturday nights watching old movies at home alone in my 20s, and still do so now from time to time. It's a great way to relax, reconnect with something you might have enjoyed, or discover something new to enjoy. Going out, getting drunk, and making poor choices isn't really all that exciting if you get right down to it. Alcohol doesn't really effect me very much, so I spent quite a bit of time watching people do that and quickly realized it's really kind of pointless and even dangerous on occasion. As for the other scenes, those are really best avoided. I had some former friends go down that road and it never ended well. Most of them turned back, but some didn't.

Find your compass and stay true to it. That's really the best way to go. It's lonely sometimes, not gonna lie about that. But in the end you have fewer real regrets and can at least look back and say you did the right thing no matter what.

Part of it is that I have no friends who will go out with me, but whatever. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me that they refuse to have a few drinks with me. It makes me upset.

Thats why I like being alone. You do it enough and you’ll come to like it. I don’t think I’m truly compatible with anyone, so I can at least enjoy my solitary. Always been a loner, always will.

9 minutes ago, jpm1 said:

i read once that DJ failed 7 times before being taken for MV. perseverance always pay

You’re right. He was an absolute mess before Vice. He had major alcohol and drug problems and a child out of wedlock. He was the textbook definition of a deadbeat loser. Fame really went to his head too.

[Daytona74]

Am 7.4.2019 um 17:06 schrieb jpm1:

i read once that DJ failed 7 times before being taken for MV. perseverance always pay

How does the old saying go - failure isn't the end of something, but it's just one of the road stones on the way to success. Or something. A chance to refine your strategy and be smarter the next time.

 

Am 7.4.2019 um 17:17 schrieb pmconroy:

Part of it is that I have no friends who will go out with me, but whatever. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me that they refuse to have a few drinks with me. It makes me upset.

Thats why I like being alone. You do it enough and you’ll come to like it. I don’t think I’m truly compatible with anyone, so I can at least enjoy my solitary. Always been a loner, always will.

 

Oh now, don't say something like that. God knows I haven't been a big mingler all my life, and I had my loner moments. And I enjoy solitude and feel comfortable in it,  at times and in healthy dosages. But don't think there are no people out there who won't enjoy your company. You do seem like a very likeable guy on this forum, sometimes all it takes to feel at home with other people is just meeting the right kind of people, in your real life. A good way to get to socialize is to pursue hobbies and interests where you meet people. This can be anything really. Maybe you like cars, maybe comic books, or certain kinds of sports. Who knows. Anything that can get you in contact with people who share your interests, and who will like to hang out with you. And then just take it from there.

And don't overthink it, above all. I am sure you can be just as good a friend to somebody as pretty much everybody else out there.

[cageyJG]

I am late to the thread but many good insights and collected wisdom here and things I can relate to.

One important need that may not have been mentioned yet is the need for affiliation. If you can take a few of your classes at a community college with other people around, or find one decent club or event to put on your calendar, that can go a long way.

Especially in the bone cold north. It’s too damn cold for too damn long up there, I’m originally from MI and we get teased so much with spring wx only to be hit by freezing temps again and again (and potholes)! I mean you get used to it but it can get you down if you let it.