Where can I meet like-minded people in real life?

[BunMVO]

Hi, I’m wondering what your suggestions are to meet people who are generally into the ‘80s (not just Miami Vice, also the music, movies, fashion of the era) and other retro stuff, namely women. An interest like this one severely limits your options when it comes to dating prospects and friends. Most of my friends are from my childhood and I don’t think I’ve made a friend outside of mutual friends since then. I’m mostly concerned about dating prospects and want to know where I can meet women who are into retro stuff in general. I’ve tried all the dating apps, they’re trash. Any recommendations? I’m 21 and I live in suburban Minnesota if that helps.

[Dadrian]

That’s a tough one man. 

I will offer this:

If the girl digs you (and your vibe/interests), then she will be willing to accept and participate in all the things you mentioned above. 

My wife didn’t know much about that stuff when we started dating. Now she listens to 80s records with me, and even makes witty Miami Vice quotes when situations occur. She’s pretty sharp on episode names and filming locations, too—all because she’s still into me after 14 years of marriage. 

Find the girl, and all the rest will happen. Love is truly the greatest thing in the universe. It has the gifts you mentioned above, plus a million other things you will never imagine. 

I know you already knew all that, but just some affirmation. 

Best.

[mjcmmv]

2 minutes ago, Dadrian said:

That’s a tough one man. 

I will offer this:

If the girl digs you (and your vibe/interests), then she will be willing to accept and participate in all the things you mentioned above. 

My wife didn’t know much about that stuff when we started dating. Now she listens to 80s records with me, and even makes witty Miami Vice quotes when situations occur. She’s pretty sharp on episode names and filming locations, too—all because she’s still into me after 14 years of marriage. 

Find the girl, and all the rest will happen. Love is truly the greatest thing in the universe. It has the gifts you mentioned above, plus a million other things you will never imagine. 

I know you already knew all that, but just some affirmation. 

Best.

That's beautiful, Darian! Love is compromise and accepting what is important to someone else even if you don't understand it. You have a lot of insight! 

[Robbie C.]

It is what it is. That sounds very Tubbs, but it's actually true. Someone who loves you will love you interests and all, just like you'll love them interests and all. I've been married going on 26 years now, and my wife only got into Iron Maiden ten years ago. They've been my favorite band (or one of them) since like 1982. You share things, but there are always different interests as well. Trying to tie it to a single interest is a recipe for failure or disappointment, at least in my experience. It's the combination that makes them powerful. In Vice terms, think of Sonny and Caitlin. They were different, but they had shared experiences of loss, redemption, and rebuilding themselves from basically nothing. They also knew about living two lives (the cover or stage persona and the real you).

[BunMVO]

15 minutes ago, Dadrian said:

That’s a tough one man. 

I will offer this:

If the girl digs you (and your vibe/interests), then she will be willing to accept and participate in all the things you mentioned above. 

My wife didn’t know much about that stuff when we started dating. Now she listens to 80s records with me, and even makes witty Miami Vice quotes when situations occur. She’s pretty sharp on episode names and filming locations, too—all because she’s still into me after 14 years of marriage. 

Find the girl, and all the rest will happen. Love is truly the greatest thing in the universe. It has the gifts you mentioned above, plus a million other things you will never imagine. 

I know you already knew all that, but just some affirmation. 

Best.

I’m happy for you! It’s good that you have a loving wife. What a wonderful gift to have.

What I’m more wondering is how to meet women in general in real life. It probably sounds silly to those of you who have been married for years or even decades, but it seems impossible to even meet anyone in this day and age. Especially face-to-face.

 The thing is I’ve been trying dating apps and websites and all I seem to meet are trainwrecks, if at all. I’ve faced near constant rejection and I’m at a point where the logical part of my brain tells me it’s not worth even trying especially with the bad experiences I’ve had, but the more primitive, less evolved part tells me that I can’t not want to meet someone.

We live in a different world than it was years ago. Online dating has changed the dating scene in an overwhelmingly negative way and technology in general has made us all more secluded and mental illness is on the rise. No wonder.

What I do know is that it feel great to meet someone organically. In the past I’ve had no problems with confidence when meeting women in real life. The problem is it just never happens. Never. I’m never in a setting when that kind of thing is appropriate. I’m mostly wondering how I can end up in those kinds of situations more often.

15 minutes ago, Robbie C. said:

It is what it is. That sounds very Tubbs, but it's actually true. Someone who loves you will love you interests and all, just like you'll love them interests and all. I've been married going on 26 years now, and my wife only got into Iron Maiden ten years ago. They've been my favorite band (or one of them) since like 1982. You share things, but there are always different interests as well. Trying to tie it to a single interest is a recipe for failure or disappointment, at least in my experience. It's the combination that makes them powerful. In Vice terms, think of Sonny and Caitlin. They were different, but they had shared experiences of loss, redemption, and rebuilding themselves from basically nothing. They also knew about living two lives (the cover or stage persona and the real you).

Great advice as always Robbie. I’m not saying she has to share all my interests. I just really want to be able to meet someone, and I wanted to know how I can run into that kind of thing. All I’m saying is that my love for everything retro may be kind of off-putting to some and it would be great to find an outlet for similar interests.

[Robbie C.]

I was into motorcycles (sport bikes) and so was my wife. We also had a small handful of mutual acquaintances. What are you into aside from Vice? Music, maybe? Gaming? Comics? Sometimes you have to find a more neutral setting and let it go from there. My wife and I were actually friends first and then it progressed. If you get to know someone with no expectations you actually get to know them...warts and all. There are no real social fronts because that pressure isn't there. I never dated much because, frankly, I hate that kind of crap. I have no patience for social fronts and try to demolish them when I can. Online dating creates artificial pipelines not unlike the "meet market" bars back in the (guess when?) 1980s. If you step outside those pipelines, and cultivate patience, it can lead to good things. Not saying it's easy, mind, but it's worth the work.

[BunMVO]

2 hours ago, Robbie C. said:

I was into motorcycles (sport bikes) and so was my wife. We also had a small handful of mutual acquaintances. What are you into aside from Vice? Music, maybe? Gaming? Comics? Sometimes you have to find a more neutral setting and let it go from there. My wife and I were actually friends first and then it progressed. If you get to know someone with no expectations you actually get to know them...warts and all. There are no real social fronts because that pressure isn't there. I never dated much because, frankly, I hate that kind of crap. I have no patience for social fronts and try to demolish them when I can. Online dating creates artificial pipelines not unlike the "meet market" bars back in the (guess when?) 1980s. If you step outside those pipelines, and cultivate patience, it can lead to good things. Not saying it's easy, mind, but it's worth the work.

I do have a quite a broad spectrum of interests. I am really into music, movies, cars and guns for one thing. I also like stocks, current events, and other boring things. When I say I have a broad range of interests, I really mean it - I can be listening to Mozart and Ice Cube in the same day.

I guess you're right. Patience is key, and I've still got a good few years left.

[Dadrian]

WAY more than a few, man. Way more. It’s literally up to you. 

[BunMVO]

2 hours ago, Dadrian said:

WAY more than a few, man. Way more. It’s literally up to you. 

Yeah, way more is right. I just have this thing where I joke around about being an old timer since I’m turning 22 and my “quarter-life crisis” with my parents lol.

[Bren10]

Well as far as 80s stuff goes, clubs and bars often have 80s theme nights. College parties also have that sort of thing.

[bodie]

To echo the good advice above, I'd say don't worry about them being like-minded - opposites often attract and as others have rightly said, mutual interests develop.

In terms of where, maybe go on a course or group or something that interests you where you meet others in a class or club. You meet people through people, but it's sure to happen when you're not actively looking, you're doing something else not thinking about it.

But at 21 you have loads of time, just enjoy yourself, don't take it too seriously, let people see you, not what you think they'd like and don't always be thinking in terms of potential partners - as others have said, fun and friends first, that's how it always goes - they have to like you and you have to like them

[vicegirl85]

10 hours ago, pmconroy said:

(snipped)What I’m more wondering is how to meet women in general in real life. It probably sounds silly to those of you who have been married for years or even decades, but it seems impossible to even meet anyone in this day and age. Especially face-to-face.

 The thing is I’ve been trying dating apps and websites and all I seem to meet are trainwrecks, if at all. I’ve faced near constant rejection and I’m at a point where the logical part of my brain tells me it’s not worth even trying especially with the bad experiences I’ve had, but the more primitive, less evolved part tells me that I can’t not want to meet someone.

We live in a different world than it was years ago. Online dating has changed the dating scene in an overwhelmingly negative way and technology in general has made us all more secluded and mental illness is on the rise. No wonder.

What I do know is that it feel great to meet someone organically. In the past I’ve had no problems with confidence when meeting women in real life. The problem is it just never happens. Never. I’m never in a setting when that kind of thing is appropriate. I’m mostly wondering how I can end up in those kinds of situations more often.(snipped)

Like bodie said, you'll have a good chance of meeting someone compatible if you get involved in a social activity.  Community college classes (whether toward a degree or not); car shows,  chess club or other hobby, book club sponsored by a local library or community college, vocational classes related to car maintenance and repair, custom upholstery (could link in with cars and even your own business).  If you're not a musician yourself, you might still be able to get involved with a band on the support/equipment/setup side.  Depending on your job and how flexible your hours are, working at the voting precincts on primary days and election days would give you an opportunity to meet a lot of people (OK, most of them will be old... but young people vote too, and old people have relatives who are young ;))  That work is paid and it's intermittent, so no long-term commitment required.  Maybe there's a group of young adults who are trying to start up a boating/ kayaking/ hiking/ group.  If that appeals, try to get involved and see what happens.  Go to your relatives', friends', and coworkers' weddings (if invited).  Maybe you know someone with a catering business and they're looking for help on weekends.

If you're working in a fulltime job, that will definitely add to the challenge, but getting out and getting involved in the community will give you better chances for meeting like-minded people.  Good luck--you're VERY young still

[Robbie C.]

10 hours ago, pmconroy said:

I do have a quite a broad spectrum of interests. I am really into music, movies, cars and guns for one thing. I also like stocks, current events, and other boring things. When I say I have a broad range of interests, I really mean it - I can be listening to Mozart and Ice Cube in the same day.

I guess you're right. Patience is key, and I've still got a good few years left.

Change that to a few more decades and you're on to something.

None of this stuff is scheduled, scripted, or really planned. Us Gen Xers got that all the time. No one planned things for us. You made it up as you went. That was just how it was back in the '80s. Social Media (as far as I'm concerned the curse of the modern age) changed all that and created artificial expectations. Used to be you only saw those on TV. Now they're everywhere. Rockstar didn't call Facebook Life Invader for nothing, you know...

Music is a great way to meet people if you can find a solid club or band scene. It's always a great starting point for discussions and finding common ground.

[BunMVO]

3 hours ago, vicegirl85 said:

Like bodie said, you'll have a good chance of meeting someone compatible if you get involved in a social activity.  Community college classes (whether toward a degree or not); car shows,  chess club or other hobby, book club sponsored by a local library or community college, vocational classes related to car maintenance and repair, custom upholstery (could link in with cars and even your own business).  If you're not a musician yourself, you might still be able to get involved with a band on the support/equipment/setup side.  Depending on your job and how flexible your hours are, working at the voting precincts on primary days and election days would give you an opportunity to meet a lot of people (OK, most of them will be old... but young people vote too, and old people have relatives who are young ;))  That work is paid and it's intermittent, so no long-term commitment required.  Maybe there's a group of young adults who are trying to start up a boating/ kayaking/ hiking/ group.  If that appeals, try to get involved and see what happens.  Go to your relatives', friends', and coworkers' weddings (if invited).  Maybe you know someone with a catering business and they're looking for help on weekends.

If you're working in a fulltime job, that will definitely add to the challenge, but getting out and getting involved in the community will give you better chances for meeting like-minded people.  Good luck--you're VERY young still

I was thinking about also volunteering - that may be a good outlet to meet community people. Problem is, my family is fractured and my friends circle is limited, and my college is limited to online classes. So...it's tricky. But I'll make it work.

[vicegirl85]

Best of luck!  You seem to have a great personality and I'm sure you'll do well.  Hospitals are full of young women employees, if you have any interest in volunteering in a hospital.

[pahonu]

21 hours ago, pmconroy said:

I’m happy for you! It’s good that you have a loving wife. What a wonderful gift to have.

What I’m more wondering is how to meet women in general in real life. It probably sounds silly to those of you who have been married for years or even decades, but it seems impossible to even meet anyone in this day and age. Especially face-to-face.

 The thing is I’ve been trying dating apps and websites and all I seem to meet are trainwrecks, if at all. I’ve faced near constant rejection and I’m at a point where the logical part of my brain tells me it’s not worth even trying especially with the bad experiences I’ve had, but the more primitive, less evolved part tells me that I can’t not want to meet someone.

We live in a different world than it was years ago. Online dating has changed the dating scene in an overwhelmingly negative way and technology in general has made us all more secluded and mental illness is on the rise. No wonder.

What I do know is that it feel great to meet someone organically. In the past I’ve had no problems with confidence when meeting women in real life. The problem is it just never happens. Never. I’m never in a setting when that kind of thing is appropriate. I’m mostly wondering how I can end up in those kinds of situations more often.

Great advice as always Robbie. I’m not saying she has to share all my interests. I just really want to be able to meet someone, and I wanted to know how I can run into that kind of thing. All I’m saying is that my love for everything retro may be kind of off-putting to some and it would be great to find an outlet for similar interests.

Hey PM,

I do think you're on to something when you explain the way meeting people and socializing has changed because of social media.  It's good you have that awareness.  I'm not going to judge it as a good or bad, but it definitely is different.  It is what it is as someone else said, and it seems unlikely to change any time soon.  I've taught high school for closing in on 25 years and I see how face to face interactions have changed with my students.  I'll have a student in my class for an hour and a half and they'll say nothing to me, then after school I'll get an e-mail asking me things.  To my generation it seems so much easier to just ask somebody something when you're right there with them than go through the hassle of writing a message later and waiting for a response even later still.  I think this might apply to many or even most young adults like yourself too.  Previous generations had no other choice really than to just go up to someone face to face and start a conversation, particularly in the case of meeting someone you liked.  That seems less common now but I think it still might be the best way to actually get to know someone.  I don't know what the answer is, but basic face to face conversations can't be bad. If you do start a relationship with anyone, that's how most of the important communication will happen, not via text or social media. 

[James]

Go on Tinder and put "Miami Vice fan" on your profile and see if it matches you with anyone.  

[BunMVO]

7 hours ago, vicegirl85 said:

Best of luck!  You seem to have a great personality and I'm sure you'll do well.  Hospitals are full of young women employees, if you have any interest in volunteering in a hospital.

Hey, good idea there! I appreciate your input very much, that's something I didn't think about. You're right that that kind of setting could potentially have lots of dating prospects.  It could also boost my resume.

 

58 minutes ago, pahonu said:

Hey PM,

I do think you're on to something when you explain the way meeting people and socializing has changed because of social media.  It's good you have that awareness.  I'm not going to judge it as a good or bad, but it definitely is different.  It is what it is as someone else said, and it seems unlikely to change any time soon.  I've taught high school for closing in on 25 years and I see how face to face interactions have changed with my students.  I'll have a student in my class for an hour and a half and they'll say nothing to me, then after school I'll get an e-mail asking me things.  To my generation it seems so much easier to just ask somebody something when you're right there with them than go through the hassle of writing a message later and waiting for a response even later still.  I think this might apply to many or even most young adults like yourself too.  Previous generations had no other choice really than to just go up to someone face to face and start a conversation, particularly in the case of meeting someone you liked.  That seems less common now but I think it still might be the best way to actually get to know someone.  I don't know what the answer is, but basic face to face conversations can't be bad. If you do start a relationship with anyone, that's how most of the important communication will happen, not via text or social media. 

Having come of age in this era, my first-hand experience I think is a pretty accurate observation. But I do have that awareness of the situation and I recognize that it is not healthy. There is nothing original about criticizing social media and the way it's changed the way people interact. That's been done thoroughly and I think most people have an understanding of it. Some older folks seem to think younger generations don't understand this at all, but it's not true. I grew up at a time when social media had only just begun to take a hold on our society. I didn't even have a smartphone until 2014.

In my opinion, face to face interactions are the way to go. Not that some social media can't be healthy in moderation, but the problem for me is it seems that people my age would rather stay in and watch Netflix than go out and socialize. I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but I enjoy socializing and getting out of my comfort zone. Again, another problem is my friends won't really go out with me to any kind of setting where we might be able to women typically. I don't know why. Not even the bars, which I realize is trashy, but even then it's something.

[BunMVO]

1 minute ago, James said:

Go on Tinder and put "Miami Vice fan" on your profile and see if it matches you with anyone.  

Oh believe me, I've tried it all on Tinder. Nothing has worked!

[James]

6 minutes ago, pmconroy said:

Oh believe me, I've tried it all on Tinder. Nothing has worked!

Oh dang. I was gonna try it myself lmao. 

There are probably places you can go where you'd be around like-minded people though, namely concerts of 80s bands, 80s night clubs, synthwave night clubs maybe if they exist around you, they're much more likely to pull in a younger crowd from our generation.

I see where you're getting at though, I've met a tonne of girls in YouTube comments who are like-minded, I even met one from Canada and had her as a friend on MSN back when that was a thing. But the problem is in real life, it's so hard to meet someone into the same things as you. And as we get older the pickings are getting slim as they all have boyfriends or are getting married. But in my experience they always end up being Lesbians too. 

[mjcmmv]

12 minutes ago, James said:

Go on Tinder and put "Miami Vice fan" on your profile and see if it matches you with anyone.  

Wow...I had no idea...

[Dadrian]

1 hour ago, James said:

But in my experience they always end up being Lesbians too. 

   

Wow. I did not expect that post to end that way.  

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. 

[MichaelAce]

On 6/1/2019 at 4:22 AM, pmconroy said:

Hi, I’m wondering what your suggestions are to meet people who are generally into the ‘80s (not just Miami Vice, also the music, movies, fashion of the era) and other retro stuff, namely women. An interest like this one severely limits your options when it comes to dating prospects and friends. Most of my friends are from my childhood and I don’t think I’ve made a friend outside of mutual friends since then. I’m mostly concerned about dating prospects and want to know where I can meet women who are into retro stuff in general. I’ve tried all the dating apps, they’re trash. Any recommendations? I’m 21 and I live in suburban Minnesota if that helps.

I've been wondering the same thing and the only thing I could say as an answer is that there are multiple places with groups of people with the same interests, "social circles" and the best way to find people like you is to find the right place with the right people, which is very hard...  Especially where I live,  since French people are less interested in the 80s than americans and it's less likely to find a retro themed bar, even in Paris than in Miami for example

This is one of the reasons Internet has gone viral but unfortunately, young people who like the 80s are not centralized in a Facebook group or anything...

I've thought about starting a Discord server for 70s-00s fans, it's ready but it has nobody on it yet because I'm not sure if it's a good idea, let me know what you think

[BunMVO]

4 hours ago, AdrienSpy said:

I've been wondering the same thing and the only thing I could say as an answer is that there are multiple places with groups of people with the same interests, "social circles" and the best way to find people like you is to find the right place with the right people, which is very hard...  Especially where I live,  since French people are less interested in the 80s than americans and it's less likely to find a retro themed bar, even in Paris than in Miami for example

This is one of the reasons Internet has gone viral but unfortunately, young people who like the 80s are not centralized in a Facebook group or anything...

I've thought about starting a Discord server for 70s-00s fans, it's ready but it has nobody on it yet because I'm not sure if it's a good idea, let me know what you think

I live about 30 miles south of the nearest actual city (Minneapolis) and I don't know of any such bars, nor do I go to bars, partially because I have no one to go with. It is what it is.

[BunMVO]

19 hours ago, James said:

Oh dang. I was gonna try it myself lmao. 

There are probably places you can go where you'd be around like-minded people though, namely concerts of 80s bands, 80s night clubs, synthwave night clubs maybe if they exist around you, they're much more likely to pull in a younger crowd from our generation.

I see where you're getting at though, I've met a tonne of girls in YouTube comments who are like-minded, I even met one from Canada and had her as a friend on MSN back when that was a thing. But the problem is in real life, it's so hard to meet someone into the same things as you. And as we get older the pickings are getting slim as they all have boyfriends or are getting married. But in my experience they always end up being Lesbians too. 

Really?! I was unaware of the lesbian thing lol.

Yeah, the whole online dating scene is pretty hopeless. And it gets worse as we get older. It sounds bad but I might just resort to escorts every so often.